Wednesday, January 30, 2008

What the Doctors Don’t Tell You

Every year at my annual groping, my gynecologist asks me a series of questions about my health and habits and, each year when she asks if I am taking a daily calcium supplement I smile brightly and lie through my teeth; yep!

I am determined not to be a liar this year and have thus started choking down two giant horse-pill-sized calcium caplets each day. I was feeling quite virtuous about it, too. That is, until I started to notice certain, um...difficulties in the bathroom arena.

Without going into too much detail, allow me to be the first to inform you of a little known fact that the doctor will not share with you; calcium causes constipation.

Like, really.

Never fear, after much research on the topic I learned that a simple magnesium supplement counter-acts the plugging properties of the calcium and is required by your body for muscle repair, etc, anyway. So, now I swallow a dainty little magnesium tablet after gagging myself on the giant horse-pill-sized calcium supplements and all is well in Pooperville.

Thank goodness for Doctor Google.

Also, my damn body had better appreciate my efforts; if I wake up twenty years from now with a spine that is doing an S-curve after all this effort, I will not be a happy camper.

Oh, I will exploit my unfortunate condition for purposes of creating truly creepy Halloween costumes (think, Igor) but I will not be happy about it.

2 comments:

WebHealthWriter.com said...

I hope you don't find my chiming in inappropriate, but I am a dietitian that works for Adora Calcium, which is a premium chocolate calcium supplement (www.adoracalcium). Your choice to add magnesium to your horse pill routine was definitely a good one - but I did want to tell you about our supplement as well. Because it is chewable and contains a little natural fat from the chocolate, it seems to help with the calcium absorption. And, I have had many consumers email me to let me know that they no longer had the problems you previously experience when they took Adora Calcium. Just wanted to let you know in case you get tired of the pills.

Sparky Duck said...

Well that little known fact works opposite for me, since I seem to just chit so quickly after dairy