Wednesday, August 04, 2010
But It Looked So Good On the Dummy!
What is up with that?
I mean, it couldn’t possibly be the fact that store mannequins are traditionally a size 0 or, that the clothing is pinned onto them in a way that accentuates the line of the mannequin regardless of the way the actual garment is cut. It could be the fact that human flesh has a nasty tendency to, like, pucker and bulge and roll- I don’t care how skinny you are-and a mannequin’s flesh is about as malleable as marble because; everything looks better when stretched tautly over marble, just ask the Greeks and Romans.
Anywaaay…I am struggling to find items in my closet that:
A) Fit over my fat ass.
B) Look decent when stretched tautly over the hail damage that currently defines my thighs.
C) Are comfortable and seasonally appropriate.
D) Aren’t black.
Seriously, what is it with me and black? It really isn’t nearly as slimming as the fashion designers would have you believe and it absorbs the sun’s rays like my fat cells absorb Krispie Kremes; I need to embrace some color, methinks.
I've got it; I need to purchase a tropical patterned muumuu.
That would totally address all the items on the above list and I would have the satisfaction of knowing that not even a mannequin could make it look good.
Set and match.