Sunday, December 21, 2014

Denial is a Nice Place to Visit...

...but you wouldn't want to live here.

I haven't written much lately, but please don't feel neglected; I also haven't baked or wrapped much, or watched my usual quota of Christmas movies, or drank more than a sip of eggnog. In short, I haven't really bothered to enjoy the traditions that we have come to associate with the holidays.

Oh, there are a few cookies in the freezer and the children won't wake up to a bare tree come Christmas morning, but, those things have required more effort than I am used to expending and I am, at best, phoning it in.

I haven't written lately because I don't want to merely phone it in here. I started this blog as a way to connect myself and my family to the people I was closest to, emotionally, yet farthest from, physically; today, I am farther away from half of those people than I ever wanted to be and I'm not sure that any amount of nouns, verbs, and adjectives on a page could ever bridge this gap.

So, I am finally trying to do what everyone has been telling me that I need to do for the past couple of months; I'm letting myself grieve.

I'm going to let this Christmas sort of suck.

I don't have any choice, really. I've tried the fake it till you make it method and, frankly, it isn't working. I don't, however, believe in inflicting the sads on others, so, I'm going to finish out this year with fewer posts, writing only when I feel emotionally capable of doing so without throwing a thin veil of melancholy over every paragraph; ain't nobody got time for reading that bullshit.

And, eventually, I'll get back to our regular programming of blythe optimism with a bit of raunchy humor thrown in for good measure.

In the meantime, I'm going to wallow in the sads while seeking joy, because I know that this, too, shall pass.

Seek and ye shall find...eventually.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lost my own dad 21 years ago, right before Thanksgiving. (Shush - I was in my 30's - Dad died real young). I can tell you that yes, it gets better.

But.

The first everything without him pretty much sucked out loud. And why shouldn't it? So grieve, yes. Everyone will understand. Hell - they're going through it too, but to a different degree. Just don't wallow in it. That ain't congenial.

Brian

tamara blair said...

Yeah, it all changes when you've lost someone so dear to your heart. Enjoy the little moments of unexpected joy, but just allow yourself to feel however you feel! This is my third Christmas without my mom, and I'd like to tell you that it's better now. But it's really not... not yet, anyway.

Christmas Blessings to you and your family!