Friday, January 18, 2019

Well, THAT Could Have Ended Badly

I just attended a meeting of Hooterville's local Think Tank (community partners who collaborate on a number of efforts).

The meeting was held at the admin office of the school district, and, I when I arrived, I was pleased to snag a front-row parking place, right next to the door to the Board room in which the meeting was being held.

The meeting itself went off without a hitch; loosely following the usual two-hour agenda, with lunch provided and emphasis placed on the same banal conversation that always takes place. It wasn't until after the meeting when things got exciting.

Or, embarrassing, depending on how you look at it; for the record, I go with embarrassing.

After the meeting, I gathered up my belongings and was headed for the door when I was stopped by a colleague who wanted to compliment me on my facilitation of a rather sensitive meeting earlier in the week. I chatted with the colleague for several minutes before finally heading to my car. On the way out the door, my cellphone rang with a call from Oscar, who needed me to run an errand for the hardware store on my way home.

While I was chatting with him, I approached my car, noticing that the door was unlocked, and, mentally kicking myself for being so careless.

When I opened the door, I was distressed to see that my bag, which I had thrown into the passenger seat when I left the office to head to the meeting, was missing. In the split-second that I noticed the missing bag, I also noticed that the car smelled strongly of cigarette smoke and that the leather on the driver's seat was cracked and well-worn.

Three thoughts simultaneously flew through my brain:

One: Fuck! Someone stole my bag!

Two: Huh. I don't smoke.

Three: How can a brand new car have such a jacked up seat...

...and, then, the fourth thought smacked me right upside the head, sending the previous three thoughts scattering to the wind...

This. Is. NOT. My Car.

Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck!

My car, I quickly noted, was parked directly to the right of the strange, stale-smelling car that I was attempting to enter.

My fifth thought involved the image of some poor, panicked car owner calling the police to report that a deranged lunatic of a woman, holding a cellphone to her ear and muttering obscenities to herself, was attempting to steal his/her car.

I quickly closed the door and scurried over to my car. This all happened while I carried on a perfectly normal-sounding conversation with my father-in-law, I might add. Which, either means that I am a master multi-tasker, or, that I am completely beyond help.

The jury is out.

Also, if you happened to be at the Hooterville School District admin building this afternoon at approximately 1:05 and saw a woman attempting to enter your car...I disavow any knowledge , whatsoever.

But, in the future, you might want to think about locking your doors.


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