Porch Night Cancelled on Account of Rain

Damnit.

We did, however, take Jana out for a fabulous Mexican feast for her birthday so, all was not lost.

The boys’ baseball game was lost, however, by many, many runs for which I also blame the rain because, in case you haven’t sensed a theme in my posts of late; I am sick of the rain and must therefore blame it for any and every slightly crummy thing in the world.

Poverty? Blame the rain.

Crime? Rain.

Extra pound showed up on the scale this week? Rain.

Swine Flu? Yep, rain.

Feel free to add your own list of woes to the list, I guarantee rain will be to blame.

Damnit.

Finally

We finally had a smidgen of decent weather this weekend, mostly on Saturday which; worked out quite well for us since we went boating.

We didn’t fare as well at Friday night’s baseball game, where the wind howled and sent giant, rolling waves of dust across the infield and outfield, blinding and choking our boys but; we still managed to pull up from behind, losing by a mere two runs to a team that had handed our asses to us on a platter at a previous game this season. So, the improvement continues.

As I said, the weather Saturday was a lot more accommodating, not that we could have predicted it upon waking to dark clouds, cool temperatures and that ever-present wind but; we agreed to take our chances, loaded up the boat, the dog and the children and ventured to the lake.

Happily, the winds died down almost immediately upon our launch and, once we found a quiet little cove in which to anchor, we had several hours of sunshine during which Hugh and the children fished and I read a trashy novel from the library.

Once we were certain the weather would hold, the children braved the chilly water long enough to ride the tube behind the boat and the Teenager and the Man-Cub made their first attempts at wake boarding; both of them doing a serviceable job for first-timers.

Kaz, who was spending the weekend with us, was not interested in knee-boarding but I think she had a good time watching the Teenager‘s repeated face-plants and belly-flops into the water, as one would.

After a long day on the lake, we headed home, stopping for take-n-bake pizza along the way. Somewhere between the pizza place and home, we hit upon the idea to go to the drive-in to catch a double feature so; a quick inhaling of the pizza, a hurried cleaning of the boat and a stop for inexpensive movie candy and, there we were.

The movies were Star Trek (eh) and Angels and Demons (again, eh). Hugh and I managed to stay awake through both movies but, the kids were comatose in the back of the Tahoe before Kirk met Spock-boating all day having tuckered them out more efficiantly than a sedative.

(which is good to know for future reference)

Sunday was a lazy day at home. The weather was nice enough for me to work in my garden and the kids released this year’s hoard of aphid-eating ladybugs at dusk. Hopefully, they will find plenty of bad bugs to eat and the majority of them will stick around although, I’m guessing that at least some of them will need to move on to greener pastures-there were 2,000 of them after all.

So, all in all, it was a nice weekend. I’m hoping for good weather the rest of the week because I have Porch Night planned for Jana’s birthday and blustery weather does not fit into my Grand Plan. On the other hand, some of our neighbors over the mountains experienced actual tornados this weekend so, maybe I should just quit my bitching about the wind and clouds and count my blessings and; I will.

Right after Porch Night.

On a totally unrelated topic, last night, while Hugh and I were preparing dinner, there was a knock at the front door. When I answered it, there was a handsome young man on the porch, asking to see the Teenager. The Teenager joined the handsome (tallish, dark hair, blue eyes, skater-boy) young man on the porch for a few minutes than came back inside. When I inquired as to who the young man might be; she dismissed him offhandedly as a friend from school who just happened to be in the neighborhood and was bored so, thought he would stop by and say “hey”.

I may have been born at night but, I wasn’t born yesterday; that boy has a little crush and I told the Teenager so in as many words. I also mentioned that I thought he was quite cute to which she shrieked, Gross!! Mom! Eww! He’s just a friend!

Me thinks she doth protest too much.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Nothing to post here, today; I'm enjoying the first slightly sunny weekend (shh! Don't jinx it!) that we have had this month.

If you're really bored and want to hear more of my drivel (Hi Mom! Hi Dad!), I'm at Rocky Mountain Moms.

Hope you're weekend is as nice as mine has been, so far.

Is It Too Much To Ask For a Little Sunshine?

Sick. To. Death. Of. Rain.

Seriously, we have not had a cloudless day yet this entire summer. I realize that global warming is jacking up the entire world climate but, now; it is interfering with my ability to get a little color-just a titch, nothing dangerous- and I am not happy.

Also, the Man-Cub is quite concerned about the Polar Bears so, do what you can for the ozone layer, people; the Polar Bears and my suntan are counting on you.

So, yeah, I went to boxing again last night and I am one sore motherf*cker today. I still love it, in case you were wondering and, if you are searching for an alternative form of exercise, I highly recommend it. Last night alone, I burned a zillion calories doing three-minute circuits through the various stations; I have become accustomed to the sound of the ring timer and, according to the ex-boxer teaching the class, I have a mean left hook, already.

Bad men in dark alleys should fear me.

I should mention that one of the stations on the circuit consists of punching the shit out of a boxing mannequin (I have no idea what the correct term for it is; we just call him Bob) and it only took me a couple of timid punches before I felt confident enough to open up a can of whoop-ass; I am now perfectly comfortable beating the shit out of Bob's ugly rubber face.

Once again, men, dark alleys, fear.

Speaking of fear, I am now headed off to Pilates class. I want to get there early so that I can reclaim the spot that I usually use; one of the women from the Scary Pilates Clique stole it from me the week before last and I am bound and determined to get it back.

Unless she looks at me funny in which case, I am totally flexible and can use a different spot.

In case I haven’t mentioned it before; the women of Pilates are a lot scarier than rubber men named Bob. Or, anything else one might find in a dark alley, for that matter.

Thursday Thirteen, Edition 3:
Thirteen Things That I Am Tired of Hearing

1. Rumors about Jon & Kate. Give these poor people a break, already.

2. Anything at all about Spencer & Heidi, who? They are celebrities, why?

3. Ditto, Brangelina. Gag.

4. Stories about Brangelina vs. Jennifer Anniston (My money will always be on Anniston)

5. Stories about Joan Rivers. Go away, and please take your freak-show of a daughter with you.

6. Anything to do with Paris Hilton, see # 2 on this list, she is a celebrity, why?

7. News reports about Swine flu, excuse me, H1N1. The whole brouhaha over this reminds me of the brouhaha over West Nile. And the Bird Flu. Oh, and SARS. Apparently the world needs an epidemic on its mind like, constantly.

8. News reports about the economy.

9. Disney “news” about The Jonas Brothers.

10. That Diet Pepsi will eventually kill me, or; at least the sweetener used in it will. Hey, we all gotta die of something.

11. The sound of rain on the roof. It is supposed to be summer, get with the program, Mother Nature!

12. My children fighting over the Wii remote. They have been out of school for less than two weeks; another two months of this will kill me faster than the Diet Pepsi ever could.

13. One more person telling me that children “grow up so fast!” I know they grow up too fast; I simply wish they would grow up without all the goddamn arguing.

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Surprisingly, the Only Thing To Get Hit Last Night Was a Punching Bag

Despite heavy rains last night, the Man-Cub’s team pulled out a major win over one of the League’s nastiest teams-not one of the best teams-one of the nastiest and; they did it with dignity and good sportsmanship.

The coaches from the opposing team were Not Happy with the loss and they were definitely not dignified nor were they good sports, in fact, the Head Coach threatened to kick Hugh’s ass after Hugh admonished him for treating the teenaged umpires with disrespect. An audible gasp rose from the bleachers upon hearing the threat and, when Hugh walked away from the little man; up went a collective cheer. I am, once again, stunned by the immaturity of some “adults”.

Our boys, on the other hand, were just tickled to death to have actually won two games in a row. Early on, we said this would be a “building year” for the team and we weren’t wrong; their skills have come so far, it is amazing and I can’t wait to see how well they all play together next year. Plus, we still have two weeks left in this season.

Two weeks, wow; the summer is already flying by. Too bad the weather has been so crappy; otherwise it might actually feel like we were having summer at all. As it is, I am holding out hope for enough warm-and dry- weather to pull off Porch Night next week; Tuesday is Jana’s birthday and I would really like to celebrate it with her in style. We’ll see, I guess.

On the other hand, the rainy weather has made it nearly impossible for me to deny the children the opportunity to fill balloons with water, place them on the trampoline and jump until they break, thus soaking the children. After all, the rain has already soaked the children and what harm is a little more water going to do?

On a topic related to the title of this post, I started boxing last night and; I think I’m going to like it. The other ladies in the class are just as clueless as I am and, unlike the women from the Pilates Clique, they are nice and welcoming.

The irony of the women in a boxing class being friendlier than the women in a freaking gentle yoga-pilates class is not lost on me, I assure you.

Timeline of a Girls Weekend

Thursday

9:00 a.m. -12:00 p.m….Finish work at the store after trying, on fourteen separate occasions, to sneak out early. Threaten to chew own arm off if escape is delayed much longer. Rethink decision to chew own arm off-will need two arms for cooler lifting.

12:00 p.m.-1:00 p.m….Load the car. Remind self to pack the half-case of giant bottles of wine stored in the pantry. Kiss husband and children goodbye. Drive away without the half-case of giant bottles of wine. Turn around and retrieve said wine, plug in the iPod, crank up the volume, open the sunroof, squee like a schoolgirl.

4:00-5:00 p.m…Pull into the driveway of the cabin. Hug the crap out of Phoebe who was the first roommate to arrive. Pretend to be responsible adults by organizing the kitchen refrigerator while discussing celebrities and sex politics and the economy. Squee like schoolgirls when the second roommate arrives, hug the crap out of her, decide to call her Reese on the blog due to her uncanny resemblance to Reese Witherspoon. Openly bemoan the fact that we don’t have as much money as Reese Witherspoon. Agree that Jake Gyllenhaal is not all that but, yeah; we’d still do him. Unload the seven bottles of wine, three bottles of champagne and several six packs of beer that Reese brought with her; make more room in the fridge.

5:00-11:00 p.m…Drink a couple of six-packs of beer and a liter of wine while reminiscing about the good old days. Pass the phone around when Hugh and the kids call to tell us that the Man-Cub’s team won their first game (!). Repeatedly deny being drunk. Admit to being drunk; hope it doesn’t scar the children for life. Wish Hugh and the kids sweet dreams. Drink a little more wine; eat an entire bag of cherries, a container of spinach dip and a box of crackers between the three of us before declaring the attempt at drunkenness a success because Phoebe’s eyes have begun to cross when she laughs. Call it a night; fall asleep next to Reese even though there are more than enough beds to go around.


Friday

1:00 a.m..Wake to the sound of a hooting owl, momentarily wonder WTF? Remember that we are in the great outdoors. Realize that the hooting owl is actually the clock in the kitchen, which plays the sound of a different bird every hour. Wonder again, WTF? Fall back to sleep.

8:00 a.m. -4:00 p.m…Wake without an alarm. Join Phoebe and Reese for coffee. Join Phoebe and Reese for a mile-long run in the woods; wish for a quick death. Drive into the nearest town (20 miles away) for a superbly greasy cheeseburger. Meet Jules and Tee, the next two roommates to arrive. Jump up and down, squealing like schoolgirls; sense a pattern. Return to the cabin; unload from their car several six packs of beer, a couple of bottles of mixers, the Largest Bottle of vodka in the Free World and a bottle of Advil. Begin to fear for our brain cells.

4:00 p.m.-8:30 p.m….Welcome James, the final member of the party; commence with the squee-ing. Unload groceries from her car; openly bemoan the fact that she didn’t bring any alcohol like; seriously? No alcohol? What if we run out?

Forgive her. Take a leisurely stroll through the woods. Discuss the likelihood of being killed by a serial murderer while staying at the cabin. Agree that bear attack would be a more likely scenario since none of us will be having sex and everyone knows that sex is a prerequisite for being murdered by a serial killer in the woods. Lock the doors, anyway.

8:30 p.m.-11:30 p.m…Watch in awe as our girl, Tee, mixes Pometinis-vodka and pomegranate juice-using the Largest Bottle of Vodka in the Free World. Wonder if Tee ever learned about proper ratios in math class. Decide that she most certainly did not. Eat quiche. Brag about how grown-up we have become. Laugh at old jokes. Laugh at new jokes. Remind each other about Things Best Left Forgotten as well as Thing We Had Totally Meant to Remember. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh. Stoke the fire just a tad bit too high, declare heatstroke. Pass out, I mean, go to bed, as decent adults do.

Saturday

7:00 a.m.-Whatever the Hell Time It Was When We All Passed Out-I mean, went to bed….Drink coffee, two cups, extra dark. Hike in the woods. Sunbathe on a giant rock. Take a trip into town for a new handle for the toilet because someone, and I’m not pointing fingers, has broken the old one. Cook chicken on the grill. Drive to the nearby waterfalls. Try not to pee my pants laughing at Tee’s description of her long, slender limbs as “Go-Go Gadget” arms. Tease Reese-without mercy-about topics too taboo to share outside of a Girls Weekend. Finish the Pometinis. Finish the wine. Eat chips and salsa until we think we might burst. Laugh until we cry. And then laugh some more.

Sunday

7:00 a.m.-10:00 a.m…Clean the cabin, leaving it like we found it. Say goodbye; try not to cry. Fail. Drive down the driveway and away from the cabin in a sad little convoy. Miss each other immediately. Start thinking up ideas for Next Time.

Ah, Next Time.