Thank Ya, Easter Bunny!

Finally!

The return of chocolate to the menu! And, what better way to get a chocolate fix than to raid the children's Easter baskets before they even have a chance to do it themselves?

What's that you say? To do so would be totally uncool of me?

Fine.

I guess I'll just have to raid my own basket, then. Or, I could pace myself on the chocolate and focus instead on filling up my new, awesome, to die for, purse.

Hmmmm....chocolate binge...

Or, fashion binge....

Oh, who am I trying to kid? I'm totally indulging in both.

Thank ya, Easter Bunny!

Holy Saturday, Batman!

Today marks the official end of Lent.

Technically, I could be stuffing my pie-hole full of sweet chocolatey goodness right now, but, I choose to wait one more day; I'm a little self-masochistic like that.

You might not want to accidentally get your fingers between my mouth and a Cadbury creme egg tomorrow, though.

In the meantime, my guest room is functioning as an Easter Bunny staging area.

I hope I have enough candy.

Good Friday, Indeed

I worked for a couple of hours today, and, by worked, I mean; I went with one of my coworkers on a routine home visit and then enjoyed her company on a set of errands.

And, I really did enjoy running those errands. For one thing, the weather was gorgeous, and, co-worker and I opened up the sunroof on the Tahoe and soaked in the sunshine and fresh air as we rolled down the highway between stops.

Once our work day was over (have I mentioned how much I enjoy having a flexible schedule that allows for half-days on Fridays?), we continued our day with a few personal errands, including a tour of the local thrift shops (where I purchased a number of vintage push-pin Easter eggs, you know, like the ones your grandma used to make? No? Just me then?), a visit to a fabulous costume jewelry store (where I bought the most ah-maaazing purse), a side-trip to the dollar store (where I bought props for the photo booth that I am planning to do for The Teenager's friends prior to prom), and the Sonic drive-in for humongous orange cream slushes.

It was an awesome way to kill a few hours.

The rest of my day was taken up with work at the hardware store, chores at home, and, a really delicious two-hour nap that I enjoyed just prior to being taken out to dinner by my husband.

As I type this, I have thirty-six eggs boiling on the stove top; egg-dying will happen tomorrow, which, since I happen to enjoy decorating eggs,  I am really looking forward to.

It's just been a really, really GOOD Friday.

The Day After Tomorrow

Cadbury mini eggs...

Cadbury cream eggs...

Mellow creme bunnies...

Malted milk eggs...

Jelly beans...

Peeps....

One more day to go.... one more day to go....one more day to go.

There's One Born Every Minute

This evening, I attended a meeting to help plan the upcoming Eighth Grade Continuation ceremony and dance.

I just this week finished with my duties as chair of the Spring Luncheon and now I find myself in charge of several critical elements of yet another event; I have no words for how stupid that makes me.

Well, I guess stupid pretty much covers it, actually.

On the bright side, the rest of the 12 person committee is comprised of:

• The mothers of 2 members of the Fearsome Foursome
• 4 Porch Night regulars
• 2 mothers with whom I socialize on Facebook

All told, I am socially comfortable with 8-out-of-11 of the women with whom I will be planning this event. The 3 remaining women on the committee include:

• A woman whose daughter is new to the school and whom I have never met, but; who seems really nice and approachable.
• A woman with whom I have a nodding acquaintance and whom I look forward to getting to know better.
• The Dragon Lady of Petticoat Junction.

What? Dragon Lady, what? Yeah.

 I know her from long, long ago when her son played baseball on one of the Man-Cub's teams; I didn't like her then and I don't like her now.

What's not to like? Let's discuss:

• She is argumentative.
• She is disrespectful of any idea with which she disagrees.
• She is unwilling to volunteer for duties required of the committee.
• She speaks disrespectfully of the teachers and administration at the school.
• She makes a point of letting us know that she has money and she isn't afraid to tell us exactly how much she is willing to throw at a problem to ensure that she doesn't actually have to, you know, do any work or anything.
• She expects us all to treat her as if her shit is odorless and diamond-encrusted. For the record? Not happening.

So, yes, Dragon Lady of Petticoat Junction. I suppose her only saving grace is the fact that, like the rest of us, she was enough of a sucker to volunteer to be on the committee.

There really is one born every minute.

And, Like a Fart in the Wind, This Too Shall Pass

I had a rather mortifying experience at work today. I don't really want to talk about it, but, it involves me on a conference call with about thirty other people and a rather ill-timed malfunction of the mute button.

Oh my god, I just remembered the title of this post and realized that you might have read the last sentence and assumed that I had farted-live-on a conference call. Au contraire, mon frere, I did not break wind in such a manner as to be loud enough to carry through a phone speaker, but, my faux pas was almost that embarrassing.

I don't want to talk about it, but....

...let's just say that I'm really hoping the memories of the people on that call are short, because; I have to actually meet some of them in person in the very near future and I sure as shit don't need them to remember me as that one chick from Hooterville who fielded a call from a rather challenging client while on speaker phone during a really, really important meeting.

Oh, yes, I did.

I know we've talked about it before, but; don't you think my MENSA application should be approved any day now?

O.V.E.R.

When last we spoke, I was headed off to set up for the Spring Luncheon, with a side trip to the gynecologist thrown in for a dash of extra fun. I had spent the previous three months worrying, fretting, stewing and agonizing over the planning of the luncheon, in fear that the event would fail to live up to the expectations of the club members and community in general.

With those fears ever present in the back of my mind, I entered the event center at 9:00 a.m. on Friday morning. I didn't get home until 7:30 p.m., just in time to fall into a nightmare-plagued sleep.

Saturday morning, following at least three nightmares, I awoke early and was at the event center by 8:00 a.m. I didn't get home until well after 4:00 p.m., and, when I did finally make it, my feet were aching so bad, I thought I might die. But, (SPOILER!) the luncheon was an unparalleled success so; I won't complain.

How unparalleled? Pretty damn unparalleled, thank you very much.

First of all, we found hostesses for all 29 tables (Nightmare #106), and, each hostess created a table so imaginative and beautiful; it rivaled anything I've yet to see in the pages of a Martha Stewart's magazine. The effect of combining all those tables in one room was amazing.

The tables made the room come alive, but, the attention to tiny details is what I appreciate most, and, the hostesses did not disappoint in that regard.

Of course, what good is a room full of gorgeously appointed tables if there is no one there to enjoy them? Happily, we did not have that problem, having finally sold the last ticket earlier in the week (Nightmares #1, 99, and 105).

In addition to the ticket sales, we garnered revenue by eliciting sponsors and vendors for the shopping boutique that we set up in the lobby of the event center, but, our biggest revenue generator-next to ticket sales-was the live auction; early estimates have us making $3.500 on that alone.

All told, I am hoping to see a profit of just under $10,000. I won't know the exact amount until all the bills have come in, but, I am feeling quite optimistic.

I'm also optimistic that the majority of people in attendance enjoyed the food, which, was beautifully served and ridiculously tasty. Plus, it's been twenty-four hours since the event and I haven't heard a word about anyone getting food poisoning (nightmare #121).

My worries about not having enough volunteer help with the serving proved unfounded; the Man-Cub, The Teenager and two of The Teenager's friends chipped in and, between them, the table hostesses, and, the club members functioning as food directors; we were able to serve those 320 meals in 21 minutes. It isn't quite a record for us, but, it was fast enough to get hot food on the tables.

It took even less time to serve dessert, and, the dark chocolate cake with raspberry glaze arrived fresh and moist; not dry in the least (nightmare #122, for the record).

I also managed to get through three hours behind a microphone without choking in front of 320 women, which, is a feat unto itself (Nightmare #67).

So, very few of the fears that plagued me during the planning (and execution) of the luncheon materialized. Well, except for the one about looking like a coral-colored Michelin Man...

...which, in the grand scheme of things, I can totally get over.

Speaking of over, did I mention that the luncheon is over?

Yessss!