Take This Job And…

We will be interviewing candidates for my job all day today. This is round two of interviews and should give us a clear picture of whom we want to hire. It has been a long process and I am happy to see it coming to an end. Oh, I still have ninety-five percent of my crap to clean out of my office but I’m a procrastinator of the finest quality so that really comes as no surprise and I figure I have a good two weeks before the new person comes in, anyway. Plenty of "vacation" time to casually deal with the little stuff as well as to make my transition less stressful and only somewhat fraught with angst.

Not that I would know anything about angst.

Ahem. Sooo, in between interviews, we are closing the office to attend memorial services for the husband of one of our best volunteers and I still have shopping to do for tomorrow’s small staff Christmas party and gift exchange; the day should go by quite quickly.

Tomorrow night our small town is hosting its annual holiday light parade and both of the kids plan to participate. After the parade, The Girl has a dance at the Middle School and I am planning to chaperone for the first hour (Surreptitiously and incognito, of course; from a dark corner while wearing sunglasses and a red hooker wig. Because I wouldn’t want to embarrass her or anything.).

This time of the year is always busy but, for obvious reasons, I feel as though we are on fast-forward and I’m missing out on the subtle joys of the season, which sucks. On the other hand, I have all next week to lounge about like a lady of leisure so, maybe I can make up for lost time.

From my couch. With bon-bons.

Or, you know, I'll jump in and start my new life at the store. Either way, next week looks pretty good to me.

You know, except for the part where I have to clean all that crap out of my office and find somewhere to put it at home. Talk about angst.

The End Is Nigh

Official countdown to my last day of work: Five. Can I get a yee-haw!

The kids and I did all manner of Christmas-y things this weekend including a trek to the hills with Jana and Co. to cut a Christmas tree. Last week was Kaley’s birthday and this was how she wanted to celebrate, by dragging us into the wilderness to freeze our butts off while committing tree murder.

You gotta love that kid.

I have found that, in situations such as these, a little hot cocoa goes a long way in making things right, especially when said cocoa is laced liberally with peppermint schnapps.

Also, a little bit of marshmallow and some rice krispie treats go a looong way in making frozen kids happy. In short, we had a great time.

Sunday, we baked cut sugar cookies, which are a huge part of our Christmas traditions; I think I am finally getting in the mood which should make my mother breathe a little bit easier (see Mom? Not depressed! Just a little over-whelmed, lately).

When the last of the cookies had been stored safely in the freezer, I took the kids to the paint-it-yourself pottery place. I painted a “Cookies for Santa” plate (see! Christmas spirit!), the Girl painted a dragonfly trinket box as a gift for Brandon’s mom and the Man-Cub painted a piggy bank shaped like a football for himself (the spirit of giving, it appears, arrives later for some than for others; we’re working on it).

Today, I am putting off the task of cleaning out my office; it is amazing and, somewhat dismaying; how much crap one accumulates after almost nine years in the same job.

Tonight, I have my Board Christmas dinner followed by a wicked case of heartburn (I’m guessing).

But, that's ok.

Only five more days to go.

The Mistletoe Monger

While getting my hair cut at the salon yesterday, I was approached by a man bearing a gaily festooned basket full of fresh mistletoe. I did not know such a thing existed in our area; I usually get my mistletoe at the Hellmouth where it comes in a plastic sleeve and consists of two small branches; shocking green in color and ornamented with plastic faux berries. Real mistletoe? Is light green with white non-faux berries and is quite lovely, actually. Having an opportunity to buy it from a man with a Christmas basket draped over his arm and a Santa hat on his head almost made me weep with pleasure.

Almost.

I did actually weep moments later when I spied the new OPI display at the cash register. Holiday colors! With awesome names! On sale! Buy one-get-one-half-off! So, I bought four which was actually like buying three and getting one for free!

It is an illness, do not judge me!

So, I took my nicely trimmed head of hair home, hung up the mistletoe and painted my toenails with Pretty at the Premiere.

People, it does not take much to make me happy.

I Blame the Egg Nog

This morning I stopped at the convenience store for my morning coffee. As I was checking out the cashier asked me if I had gas and it took me almost a full second to realize that what she meant was; was I buying gas? In that split second I was completely offended by the personal nature of her question.

And, for the record I was not buying gas.

I did have a bit of gas but that is neither here nor there.

And It Didn’t Even Require a Visit From the Ghost of Christmas Past

The Christmas spirit finally found me last night while I was in the local paint-you-own-pottery store with twenty-six Boy Scouts, supervising the painting of twenty-six ornaments. Christmas Spirit, it seems, will find you in the most illogical of circumstance and location.

So, after the ornament paint-a-thon, I went home, busted out the mixing bowls and proceeded to stir up a batch of Son-in-Law cookies (which would be my mother’s special recipe for oatmeal raisin cookies, thus christened because two-out-of-three Sons-in-Law recommend them. Just in case your enquiring mind wanted to know).

Before they go to sleep tonight, the children will place their letters to Santa under their pillows in accordance with our St. Nicholas eve tradition. With any luck, Santa’s elves will prove more trustworthy than that damn Tooth Fairy, chocolates will replace the letters by morning and a lovely trail of Elf Dust will lead from windowsill to bed in each child’s bedroom.

Because I have the Spirit, man!

Today was nice

(I change topics faster than Britney Spears changes wigs, don’t I? Yes, yes I do)

My boss and eight members of my Board of Directors whisked me away by limousine to the Country Club for a fancy lunch. They gave me pink roses and jewelry and made speeches about how awesome I am and about how much they will miss having me around; it was like a first date only better.

I should totally quit my job more often. Also, my head may be fifty percent larger than it was yesterday.

But, look, Ma; no more Bah-Humbug!

*Click on photo to enlarge. But, if you do, please for the love of god, disregard the tacky trailer park in the background because, nothing says classy like a limo parked in front of a trailer park. Or, I guess that would be klassy.

The Christmas Newsletter No One Ever Sends

Dear Family and Friends,

Seasons greetings! I hope this letter finds you all doing well, recovering from all those ailments, addictions and afflictions that you wrote to us about last year!

We are doing great! The kids are recovering quite nicely from their recent case of lice and the school has assured us that they can return as soon as the New Year! This is excellent news since the boy is only a few missed assignments away from being held back for another year; whew! Dodged that bullet!

The girl is looking forward to returning to the sixth grade but, in the meanwhile, has shown a great deal of creativity in decorating her Home Monitoring Ankle bracelet; glitter pens are amazing!

The husband is finally home from the latest stint in rehab and we really think it might stick this time. He even applied for a job down at the landfill, fingers crossed!

I am keeping busy with my community service. I feel so rewarded! And my parole officer has said that I am a credit to the program.

Hope the New Year is as good to us as this year has been. Love to you all and, I hope Santa brings you everything you wished for; I asked for a sympathetic judge at my next hearing, keep your fingers crossed for me!

XXXOOOXX

All I Want For Christmas Is a Refill of My Migraine Rx

Ah, the annual quest to take the perfect Christmas card picture! Migraine fodder if ever there was and, this year was no exception. Thank goodness for my Imitrex inhaler as it was the only thing standing between me and a date with the master bathroom toilet.

On the other hand, whew; Christmas cards done for another year! Except, I can’t decide which design to order so, a little help here? Which card do you like better? Inquiring minds want to know.











I wish I could say the weekend was productive in ways other than wrestling my children into acceptable holiday poses but, not so much.

I did manage to get the last of the evergreen garland hung around the porch and I even found the energy to festoon it with huge red bows but, when it came time to start my holiday baking, I just wasn’t that into it and, like, I’m sorry chocolate chippers, it isn’t you, it’s me. I hope we can still be friends.

Hopefully, tonight; I will find the magic energy reserves necessary to begin properly preparing for the season. I have a recipe for chocolate mice that the children are clamoring for and I promised that we could try them this year.

Plus, chocolate is good for you and, I have no doubt, will one day be scientifically proven to prevent migraines. In the meantime, did I mention, thank goodness for Imitrex?