Tuesday, December 04, 2007


The Christmas Newsletter No One Ever Sends

Dear Family and Friends,

Seasons greetings! I hope this letter finds you all doing well, recovering from all those ailments, addictions and afflictions that you wrote to us about last year!

We are doing great! The kids are recovering quite nicely from their recent case of lice and the school has assured us that they can return as soon as the New Year! This is excellent news since the boy is only a few missed assignments away from being held back for another year; whew! Dodged that bullet!

The girl is looking forward to returning to the sixth grade but, in the meanwhile, has shown a great deal of creativity in decorating her Home Monitoring Ankle bracelet; glitter pens are amazing!

The husband is finally home from the latest stint in rehab and we really think it might stick this time. He even applied for a job down at the landfill, fingers crossed!

I am keeping busy with my community service. I feel so rewarded! And my parole officer has said that I am a credit to the program.

Hope the New Year is as good to us as this year has been. Love to you all and, I hope Santa brings you everything you wished for; I asked for a sympathetic judge at my next hearing, keep your fingers crossed for me!

XXXOOOXX

3 comments:

Finlands finest said...

Hysterical! Had me laughing so hard I cried!

Erika said...

Christmas letters bug me. Yours, on the other hand, was funny.

Dana said...

I have a couple of family members that could have written that letter for real!

Hilarious!