Friday, November 13, 2009

Confirmed: Mountain Dew Does Not Kill Sperm



The question was posed by one of the kids in the Man-Cub’s class yesterday while attending the school district’s fifth grade discussion on puberty. The kid’s cousin had fed him that little gem of misinformation and he was smart-and brave-enough to question its validity, thus giving us hope for the future generation.

While he failed to specify how the soda allegedly killed sperm-via consumption or actual physical contact- I am assuming that he had been schooled in the urban legend of the post-coital Coca-Cola douche, long rumored to prevent pregnancy, because; I seriously doubt that his cousin told him drinking the stuff would impair his manhood although, I wouldn’t stake my reputation on it. Unfortunately, I wasn’t there to ask so; I am getting this all second-hand from the Cub.

Who, it should be pointed out, begged me not to attend the presentation so as to preserve his reputation as a tough guy and to avoid any connection to Momma’s Boy Syndrome.

And, yes, I totally made that up although I am told that there are some men out there who suffer from it.

Anyway, the presentation apparently went well and the Cub feels relatively confident in his understanding of both his own impending puberty and that of his female classmates.

Now, a little sensitivity training would be a good follow-up because; should the Man-Cub break the heart of his little “girlfriend”, I will never be able to show my face in the pediatrician’s office again and; finding a new doctor at this juncture would suck.

The end.

1 comment:

Frances said...

Best post I've read so far today - what a laugh I had.
The Man Club is that precious or what?