I am on my fifth day without Diet Pepsi.
Yes, on purpose. And, yes, I realize that Lent is almost a year away; I'm doing this for my health, people. Well, that, and; I want to be able to say that I can do it: that I control my habit, it doesn't control me.
So far, I'm doing pretty well. Or, I was until this morning, when I woke up with what I suspect is a withdrawal headache. It's like my body has been humoring me for the past four days and only this morning realized that, hey; this bitch is seriously not going to give into the sweet, sweet nectar of the soda fountain gods...off with her head!
I'm pretty sure I will muddle through.
Supposedly, giving up soda will improve my overall diet since popular thinking suggests that the artificial sweeteners in diet soda cause people to crave more sugar or some such drivel; I have no idea if there is actual science to back that claim, but, I'm willing to give it the benefit of the doubt. Also, I am really, really tired of watching my boobs grow exponentially to my age and, any little bit I can do to cut out crap that aids and abets them in their quest to take over the world is A-Ok with me.
So, yeah...I see a lot of ibuprofen in my immediate future. Also, Wall Street should see an impressive hike in stocks in the companies that produce tea bags.
* And, of course, Water is our Friend.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Tuesdays With The Teenager. Wait, WHAT?
Remember, back in the day, when The Teenager and I tried to do a weekly video installment detailing the experiences of raising/being a teenager? No? Hell, I don't blame you; that was ages ago.
Anyway, The Teenager and I rediscovered those videos a few days ago and decided to bring back the segment, if not weekly, then, you know, occasionally.
Today's installment features not just The Teenager, but her BFF, Smiley McSmilerson (not her real name, like OBVIOUSLY), discussing their opinion of the differences between High School and Middle School.
I think they are adorable and I cannot wait to show this video at their graduation party. And, again at The Teenager's wedding, because; I am sweet like that.
Also, the matching socks and the mirror-image braids are killing me.
Anyway, The Teenager and I rediscovered those videos a few days ago and decided to bring back the segment, if not weekly, then, you know, occasionally.
Today's installment features not just The Teenager, but her BFF, Smiley McSmilerson (not her real name, like OBVIOUSLY), discussing their opinion of the differences between High School and Middle School.
I think they are adorable and I cannot wait to show this video at their graduation party. And, again at The Teenager's wedding, because; I am sweet like that.
Also, the matching socks and the mirror-image braids are killing me.
Monday, July 09, 2012
We ALLLLLL Bundle...
Friday's thunderstorms were not repeated throughout the weekend; I was sort of disappointed, to be honest. I made the best of the sunshine, though; I did cool things like weeding the garden (oooh, ahhh), catching up with my tan lines, and, watching The Teenager play volleyball at a scrimmage tournament held in Hooterville.
It. Was. So. EXCITING!
Then, yesterday, Jana came over and we watched Crazy Stupid Love. Actually, I forced Jana to watch the movie so that she would understand, appreciate, and-ultimately-come to share my opinion that Ryan Gossling would make a decent Christian Grey when Hollywood gets around to casting the movie version of the book*.
My plan was a total success and Jana is now totally on board with my casting choice. Granted, I did have to send her home with the DVD of Drive so that she would have a better idea of the Gossling's range as an actor since she insisted on asking me ridiculous questions such as: Can he act angry? Can he seem protective? Is he capable of projecting both smoldering looks and a sweet tenderness masked by a veneer of hubris and conceit? Which, was sort of exhausting (Just between you and me, though? Jana would make a killer casting director.), but; we are now of one mind in this regard.
Hey, maybe you would like to come to my house so that I may brainwash you into agreeing with me as well? I'm a great hostess like that.
Speaking of brainwashing; I see in today's celebrity news that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have arrived at a divorce agreement a mere week after Katie blindsided Tom by filing. According to the report, Katie got everything she was asking for in the agreement which leads me to wonder; just what, exactly, does she have on him?
It. Must. Be. HUGE.
My theory? He's a leprechaun. A GAY leprechaun.
Would you like to come over to my house and we can talk about it? I bet you'll agree with me before you leave, because; this is an even easier sell than Ryan Gossling as Christian Grey, for sure.
*What book; you ask? Fifty Shades of Grey, of course. What rock have you been living under?
It. Was. So. EXCITING!
Then, yesterday, Jana came over and we watched Crazy Stupid Love. Actually, I forced Jana to watch the movie so that she would understand, appreciate, and-ultimately-come to share my opinion that Ryan Gossling would make a decent Christian Grey when Hollywood gets around to casting the movie version of the book*.
My plan was a total success and Jana is now totally on board with my casting choice. Granted, I did have to send her home with the DVD of Drive so that she would have a better idea of the Gossling's range as an actor since she insisted on asking me ridiculous questions such as: Can he act angry? Can he seem protective? Is he capable of projecting both smoldering looks and a sweet tenderness masked by a veneer of hubris and conceit? Which, was sort of exhausting (Just between you and me, though? Jana would make a killer casting director.), but; we are now of one mind in this regard.
Hey, maybe you would like to come to my house so that I may brainwash you into agreeing with me as well? I'm a great hostess like that.
Speaking of brainwashing; I see in today's celebrity news that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have arrived at a divorce agreement a mere week after Katie blindsided Tom by filing. According to the report, Katie got everything she was asking for in the agreement which leads me to wonder; just what, exactly, does she have on him?
It. Must. Be. HUGE.
My theory? He's a leprechaun. A GAY leprechaun.
Would you like to come over to my house and we can talk about it? I bet you'll agree with me before you leave, because; this is an even easier sell than Ryan Gossling as Christian Grey, for sure.
*What book; you ask? Fifty Shades of Grey, of course. What rock have you been living under?
Friday, July 06, 2012
And the Thunder Rolls
We finally experienced a thunderstorm of epic proportions, yesterday. The Man-Cub and I were in Hooterville when the storm broke and we spent ten minutes sheltered under the cover of a gas station island before braving the downpour for the drive home.
And, what a drive it was.
The rain was coming down so hard and fast, the storm drains couldn't keep up, and a deluge of water flooded the main intersection, downtown. The Man-Cub got quite a thrill out of watching large trucks plow through the water, showering their neighbors with tidal wave after tidal wave; while feeling a bit remorseful for the compact cars that seemed to momentarily float while attempting to cross at the flood below the street light.
The heavy downpour was accompanied by a light show to rival anything we could have seen on the 4th, and, the booming of the thunder was so loud, it shook my Tahoe. The drive home took a bit longer than usual but, the smell of the rain was more than enough to make up for the lost minutes.
Well, that and the amazing double rainbow that crossed the sky once the shower abated.
The weather forecast for today calls for more rain but, I doubt we will experience anything as dramatic as yesterday's storm, unfortunately.
The storm brought to mind afternoons in my childhood, when thunderstorms would roll across town, predictably, every summer afternoon. My sister and I would dance in puddles on the sidewalk in front of our house and, when completely dizzy from spinning in circles; would hunt worms that had gotten stranded in the gutters when the deluge of rainwater dried to tiny rivulet running toward the storm drain at the end of the block.
Some afternoons, we cursed the rain for ruining our outdoor forts; shelters built of blankets that my mother preferred not to have drenched by the storm. Other days, we lazily watched the downpour while tucked under the branches of the lilac trees in the back yard, safe, dry, and peaceful. A bright sunshine almost always broke through the storm by early evening and we breathed in the smell of the rapidly evaporating raindrops mixed with the smell of the damp earth.
When the Cub and I finally reached the safety of home, yesterday, he ran into the backyard to search the garden for worms to use when fishing at the pond in the park later this weekend. I sat on the porch for a while and watched as the last drops of the storm scattered across the driveway and; I thought about two little girls in pigtails, dancing in the puddles left behind by a thunderstorm.
It was a pretty great way to end the day.
And, what a drive it was.
The rain was coming down so hard and fast, the storm drains couldn't keep up, and a deluge of water flooded the main intersection, downtown. The Man-Cub got quite a thrill out of watching large trucks plow through the water, showering their neighbors with tidal wave after tidal wave; while feeling a bit remorseful for the compact cars that seemed to momentarily float while attempting to cross at the flood below the street light.
The heavy downpour was accompanied by a light show to rival anything we could have seen on the 4th, and, the booming of the thunder was so loud, it shook my Tahoe. The drive home took a bit longer than usual but, the smell of the rain was more than enough to make up for the lost minutes.
Well, that and the amazing double rainbow that crossed the sky once the shower abated.
The weather forecast for today calls for more rain but, I doubt we will experience anything as dramatic as yesterday's storm, unfortunately.
The storm brought to mind afternoons in my childhood, when thunderstorms would roll across town, predictably, every summer afternoon. My sister and I would dance in puddles on the sidewalk in front of our house and, when completely dizzy from spinning in circles; would hunt worms that had gotten stranded in the gutters when the deluge of rainwater dried to tiny rivulet running toward the storm drain at the end of the block.
Some afternoons, we cursed the rain for ruining our outdoor forts; shelters built of blankets that my mother preferred not to have drenched by the storm. Other days, we lazily watched the downpour while tucked under the branches of the lilac trees in the back yard, safe, dry, and peaceful. A bright sunshine almost always broke through the storm by early evening and we breathed in the smell of the rapidly evaporating raindrops mixed with the smell of the damp earth.
When the Cub and I finally reached the safety of home, yesterday, he ran into the backyard to search the garden for worms to use when fishing at the pond in the park later this weekend. I sat on the porch for a while and watched as the last drops of the storm scattered across the driveway and; I thought about two little girls in pigtails, dancing in the puddles left behind by a thunderstorm.
It was a pretty great way to end the day.
Thursday, July 05, 2012
It's Independence Day
Our 4th of July celebration went pretty much as planned; we got an early start at the lake, where the girls (and one boy, I'm not naming names) adorned themselves with temporary tattoos in honor of our country's independence.
Not naming names, but showing pictures, mwah,ha,ha,ha,ha. Also, nice patriotic donut you have there, son.
And, I digress.
Once the tattoos were firmly in place, or, as firmly in place as a temporary tattoo can be (hint, not very); we hit the water for a morning and afternoon of tubing, wake boarding, knee boarding and swimming. Jana and I "tubed" in that we reclined upon the tubes with drinks in hand and sunscreen generously and liberally applied (no burn today! We rock!).
Later in the afternoon, a storm rolled across the lake and we were forced to seek shelter in a small cove, where; we tied up the boats, threw up the covers and spent an hour and a half playing cards, chatting, and napping. It was seriously relaxing and not a bad way to spend an hour and a half.
Once the storm cleared out, we explored the spillway of the dam that creates the lake before hitting the lake for more tubing before calling it a day and pulling the boats off the water.
It was getting dark by the time we got home so we fired up the grill for some late-night BBQ and fired up the candles on the porch for craft time, otherwise known as: attempting a neat trick we saw on Pinterest.
This was as close as we got to fireworks this year and, while the effect was cool; we really, really missed the fireworks.
Oh, well, each kid got to take home their very own nightlight, and, with any luck, they will last longer than those temporary tattoos.
Not naming names, but showing pictures, mwah,ha,ha,ha,ha. Also, nice patriotic donut you have there, son.
And, I digress.
Once the tattoos were firmly in place, or, as firmly in place as a temporary tattoo can be (hint, not very); we hit the water for a morning and afternoon of tubing, wake boarding, knee boarding and swimming. Jana and I "tubed" in that we reclined upon the tubes with drinks in hand and sunscreen generously and liberally applied (no burn today! We rock!).
Later in the afternoon, a storm rolled across the lake and we were forced to seek shelter in a small cove, where; we tied up the boats, threw up the covers and spent an hour and a half playing cards, chatting, and napping. It was seriously relaxing and not a bad way to spend an hour and a half.
Once the storm cleared out, we explored the spillway of the dam that creates the lake before hitting the lake for more tubing before calling it a day and pulling the boats off the water.
It was getting dark by the time we got home so we fired up the grill for some late-night BBQ and fired up the candles on the porch for craft time, otherwise known as: attempting a neat trick we saw on Pinterest.
This was as close as we got to fireworks this year and, while the effect was cool; we really, really missed the fireworks.
Oh, well, each kid got to take home their very own nightlight, and, with any luck, they will last longer than those temporary tattoos.
Tuesday, July 03, 2012
Do You Smell Smoke?
Our entire state is under a fire ban and yet fireworks are still available on numerous street corners in Hooterville; I don't really understand how that works.
Because we arebroke law-abiding, safety-conscience citizens; we have declined to purchase our usual 4th of July arsenal of rockets, sparklers, and smoke bombs. It was a huge sacrifice for Hugh, whose reputation as the Master of 4th of July Fireworks now stands in jeopardy, but; it was the right thing to do.
As a replacement for the fireworks show, we plan to wave red, white and blue glow sticks overhead while mimicking the noises made by the usual explosions. I bet people won't even notice the difference; the neighborhood kids will probably still pull their wagons down the road to get a good seat for the show and a good time will be had by all.
Or, not.
But at least we won't be responsible for burning down our neighborhood.
Because we are
As a replacement for the fireworks show, we plan to wave red, white and blue glow sticks overhead while mimicking the noises made by the usual explosions. I bet people won't even notice the difference; the neighborhood kids will probably still pull their wagons down the road to get a good seat for the show and a good time will be had by all.
Or, not.
But at least we won't be responsible for burning down our neighborhood.
Monday, July 02, 2012
Season Ender
The Man-Cub played his last game of the regular season, tonight. His team won by five runs and the Cub pitched two innings. While I will miss watching the boys play, I won't miss my duties in the concession stand, even if it was the best seat in the house.
Speaking of baseball, Hugh took the Cub to Denver this weekend to catch a Rockies game. They had a great time, despite backing a losing team (can't win 'em all).
While they were away, The Teenager and I went to see Magic Mike. In our opinion, watching half-naked men dance on stage was way better than watching men run around a field in tight pants. And, yes; I do realize that taking my sixteen year old daughter to watch a movie about male strippers is only slightly less horrifying than her father taking her to see The Hangover II last summer. I have nothing to say in my defense.
Well...Channing Tatum...'nuff said.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)