Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Excuse Me If I Ramble

The pin was finally removed from Rowdie’s hip yesterday, allowing him to get back to the business of being a puppy. He celebrated by eating one of Hugh’s favorite baseball caps, several of the Man-Cub’s Pokemon cards and a stray sock lifted from the laundry basket, all in the space of time that it took me to wander to the kitchen for a glass of water and back to the mudroom again.

I’m not entirely certain that there is a place in our family for such an obvious over-achiever.

In other news, I went to my assigned store today to be outfitted for the Spring Luncheon fashion show and, while I patiently explained to the owner of the store that I am officially done being The Bride, she dressed me in a wedding dress far fluffier and more elaborately beaded than the gown I wore on my own wedding day.

She might be deaf. Or, a bit slow, I’m not sure which.

On the other hand, the dress is a lovely peachy-champagne color as opposed to white so; she might be slow but she isn’t stupid.

Anyway, this is it; the last year that I am being trotted out in full-on bridal regalia for this luncheon. Unless, of course, the store starts carrying the geriatric line of wedding dresses, you know, for the ever-popular nursing home weddings that are rampant in our society; in which case; consider me in.

Damn, look at that last sentence. Do you think the punctuation store was having a sale on semi-colons? Me too!

Speaking of geriatrics, the owner of the store also picked out a stunning Mother of the Bride dress for me, which, words fail; I mean, really, Mother of the Bride? Me? Wha?

Maybe she is stupid because, in a complete 180, she also has me wearing an evening gown that she swears is appropriate cruise-wear should Hugh and I ever manage to sell a kidney a piece to finance such an excursion. The dress is black and yes, quite appropriate for cruising the deep blue sea….if you are Charro. As it is, I will spend the next three days searching the stores for a bra that will accommodate the deep plunge of the neckline, a girdle capable of corralling the fat rolls which became painfully obvious the minute I sprayed the dress on and a pair of heels high enough to complete the outfit because, if your ensemble screams Tacky Cruise Ship Entertainer, you might as well go all the way.

And I thought the dog was an over-achiever.

On a completely different subject, yesterday my tulips looked like this…..

Winter came and pissed all over town last night and now they look like this…..

Me no happy.

1 comment:

  1. Ouch! I'm sorry about your tulips. I planted some bulbs a couple of years ago, but they never even bloomed. I hope yours are doubly pretty next year to make up for disappointment this year.