Thursday Thirteen, Edition Four:
Thirteen Random Things

1. The Girl had an upsetting encounter with her school’s resident Mean Girls. She came through it beautifully and, I would elaborate but it really deserves its own post.

2. One of the Man-Cub’s top front teeth finally poked through yesterday after several weeks of uncomfortable “teething”. You are probably thinking that eight year olds don’t teeth. They do, however, if they knock all four top teeth out at the tender age of four, giving their gums a solid four years in which to toughen up prior to the appearance of the adult teeth. I’m not really looking forward to the discomfort the poor kid will feel as the remaining three teeth make their way in.

3. Also, seeing the kid with a giant horse tooth in the place where a precious gap existed for four years is going to take some getting used to for all of us.

4. Well, for me anyway.

5. I am better at puppy training than I ever thought possible. My carpets thank me for it.

6. It is supposed to snow here again this weekend and I am sick to death of snow. A nice vacation on a tropical island would be fabulous.

7. There is no tropical vacation in my future, unfortunately.

8. Both kids have signed up to participate in Jump Rope for Heart so, whenever people see us coming with the donation envelops, they run and hide.

9. I totally don’t blame them.

10. I have already broken my New Year’s Resolution about not buying stupid stuff.

11. In my defense, the stupid things I bought were on clearance for 75% off.

12. So, they were only 25% stupid.

13. My other resolutions are going swimmingly. However, today is a co-workers birthday and the boss brought in a box of donuts to celebrate. If, in that box, there resides a pink frosted donut; all bets are off.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

20/20

I bought a set of new glasses today. I wish I could say they were either a fabulous set of swanky wine glasses or a sassy set of shot glasses but, they were, in truth, eyeglasses.

Yes, eyeglasses as in, hey! Remember last summer when you had that eye exam and the eye doctor guy wrote that prescription for new lenses? Lenses that might actually enable you to like, see the road at night, possibly saving your life or the lives of a family of sweet raccoons out for a nighttime stroll? Lenses that could perhaps, grant you the ability to tell what time it is on the digital clock on the DVD player because, although the clock is a mere three feet from the couch, all you currently see is a neon green blob? Because, although your best guess is still technically right twice a day, wouldn’t it be nice to actually know that you only have two minutes to use the bathroom, grab a diet Pepsi and let the dog out before the new episode of Grey’s Anatomy starts? Yes? Well then, dummy, don’t you suppose now would be a good time to actually use the friggin prescription and buy new glasses already?

Yes, yes and yes.

So, yeah, six months later, I finally bought glasses.

I bet you think that my failure to rush right out and buy them six months ago was due to the fact that I feared being the Girl Who Wears Glasses, huh? Au contraire, mon frere. In truth, I already wear glasses at work so, I already am That Girl. Granted, I’ve had them since 1991 and my prescription has changed, rendering them about as effective as staring through the bottom of my diet Pepsi bottle in as far as vision correction goes but, my point is; I don’t fear wearing glasses based on the fact that I think they make me look unattractive. I know they make me look unattractive and I wear them despite that to um…yeah….um...correct my vision which, as I guess we have just established they don't actually do, anymore. Huh.

See? Not vain. Lazy, hell yes but, not vain.

Anyhoo, Hugh met me at the place where they sell eyeglasses, the, um… eyeglass store? Does that seem right? I dunno.

And, I digress….

….where I tried on about eighty gazillion frames searching for two that I liked, one for home and one for the office. Hugh gave me the thumbs down repeatedly. Finally, we found two frames that we agreed made me look neither like I should invest in a Pocket Protector and change my name to Suzy Poindexter nor like I should dye my hair blue and start chasing kids off my lawn with a cane. They won’t transform me into a ravishing beauty with the power to make grown men swoon but, I’ll take what I can get; they aren’t magic glasses after all.

Unfortunately, the glasses won’t be ready for about a week. In the meantime, I will still have to rely on Hugh to tell me when Grey’s is starting and on the children to point out helpless animals in the roadway.

When they are ready, my vision will be restored but, I will, unfortunately, still be lazy. See above not magic.

It Could Be PMS

Here I am back at work after an eventful two-week vacation. I should report that, the office did not implode under the weight of my absence nor does the staff appear to have suffered undue stress which, way to make a gal feel needed, people.

Hmph.

Perhaps I’m being overly sensitive. After all, I arrived at the office just moments after dropping the kids off at the daycare (school starts tomorrow) where, instead of the wailing, gnashing of teeth and pleading cries of “But we want to be with youuu!” that I had fully expected from the Fruit of my Loins, I instead got a casual “See ya!” and a “Later, Mom!” as they bolted out of the car and through the daycare gate.

I would give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they were hurting, you know, on the inside, where it not for the fact that the car was still in motion when they made their escape.

Luckily for my pride, the puppy more than made up for the children’s lack of remorse at our parting by whining and howling like he’d just lost his mother the minute left him. He will be getting a nice tasty treat this evening.

The children will be getting brussel sprouts and tuna casserole.

At a mere eight weeks old, the dog obviously knows how to work the system.

This totally shakes my confidence in the intelligence of my offspring.

No Need to Call 911, I’m A Slow Bleeder

A nice woman from the blood bank called today to ask me if I could donate blood early next week. I said no. Because, while I believe that donating blood is a noble thing to do, I mean, it saves lives and all, the phlebotomist employed by our local hospital cannot seem to squeeze blood from my veins to save his life and I've got a strict policy of not causing myself undue pain. Of course, it took a few bad experiences for me to arrive at that policy.

One time, I ended up with a burst vein, which the phlebotomist dressed with the usual cotton ball and Band-Aid like that was going to do any good. When the wound opened up a half hour later as I was tugging up my pantyhose, the resulting horror movie moment in the bathroom at my workplace caused the secretary to nearly toss her cookies. She tendered her resignation not long after and I am not entirely convinced that it was a coincidence.

You would think that would have taught me my lesson but, you would be wrong. When the call for a donation came again, I went. Disaster ensued.

The same phlebotomist was on duty of course, which got my heart to racing a bit but, ignoring the little voice inside my head, I shrugged off my concerns and settled into the fancy chair and filled out the appropriate paperwork while Mr. Phlebotomist strapped on the pressure cuff and swabbed the inside of my elbow before stabbing me with the enormous needle that they use for such things.

The chosen vein, which had looked so promising only moments earlier decided to roll over and play dead the second the needle penetrated it and, really, who could blame it? How would YOU feel if you were just going about your business, transporting some nice, oxygen-rich blood to vital organs when, WHAM! some sixty-year old joker with jet-black hair and a Hitler mustache- a fake mustache that he obviously draws on with a marker, I might add- stuck you with a needle and proceeded to steal your cargo? Huh? How would that make you feel?

But, I digress.

So, Mr. Phlebotomist “adjusted” the needle which involved ripping the tape off my arm, along with a few hairs (not that I am super hairy. I have perfectly normal womanly hair on my arms. Really. I’m just saying) and then poked the needle around to find a better position. The effort resulted in a somewhat painful vibrating sensation in my arm, a “bubbling” feeling that, clearly, was NOT normal.

When I described the feeling, Mr. Phlebotomist declared it the result of the needle “bouncing against the wall of the vein” and I think I can trace what happened later right back to that moment because no one should ever have to hear that a needle is bouncing about inside their bodies, I don’t care who they are, see above; NOT normal.

Mr. Phlebotomist did not seem terribly concerned with my obvious discomfort, however and instead, pointed out the fact that, with the needle in the new position, I was bleeding much faster. Quite the feat apparently since, he said, “Frankly, my dear, you are a rather slow bleeder which is making this somewhat difficult”.

Well, excuuuuse me.

As I recall, he then told me to just “hang in there” and I tried, I really did but, twenty or thirty minutes later, as the vibrating feeling continued and, as the bag slowly filled beside me, I began to sweat.

So, there I was, sweating on the donation table, when I detected a distinct buzzing sensation throughout my body accompanied by a decided feeling of light-headedness followed by the realization that, dear lord, I might actually need to throw up here. Could you imagine the embarrassment I would have felt if I had?

No worries, though, because, I totally saved myself the disgrace of throwing up in the blood bank by passing out. Right there, in the donation chair.

The phlebotomist was most disturbed by that little turn of events, I assure you. He was also most solicitous with the orange juice and cookies when I eventually came to. Actually, if memory serves, he offered me whiskey, which I, of course, declined.


So, yeah, that was just about a year ago. Care to guess when I might actually brave another attempt at donating?

Yeah, me neither.

On the bright side, being a slow bleeder has its benefits. For one, I probably will not bleed to death on the kitchen floor following a culinary accident.

In addition, vampires would totally have their work cut out for them.

That’s some peace of mind right there.

Thursday Thirteen, Edition Three:
Thirteen Favorite Shades of OPI

Because I have nothing better to offer, I give you some of my favorite colors from my collection of roughly fifty-seven shades of OPI nail polish.

1. I’m Not Really a Waitress
2. Bogotá Blackberry
3. God Save the Queen’s Nails
4. Aphrodite’s Pink Nightie
5. Royal Flush Blush
6. A Rose at Dawn, Broke by Noon
7. Mauving to Manitoba
8. Nice Color, Eh?
9. A Rose to the Ovation
10. I Don’t Do Dishes
11. Jewel of India
12. To Eros is Human
13. Howdy, Honey!

I really do use most of my nail polish although, not on my fingernails. The only thing I polish them with is OPI Nail Envy, which is a nail strengthener. When I use color on my fingernails, they tend to break so, I stick with color on my toenails, which goes a long way in explaining why I own a bazillion pair of summer sandals.

I like to practice excess in all my addictions.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Day 13 of Captivity

Er, I mean, vacation, of course.

Yesterday, I labored for twelve hours to eradicate any evidence of the holidays from my house. When Hugh finally hefted the box containing the Christmas tree into the attic at nine p.m., I could have wept with happiness. Instead, I celebrated the accomplishment by standing outside in the freezing air waiting for Rowdie to take a dump so I could just go to bed already.

Do I know how to party or what?

Speaking of Rowdie’s dumps, today was his first well-puppy visit with the vet. After he was weighed (sixteen and a half pounds at seven weeks old, yikes!), examined and shot up with the necessary puppy immunity, the vet handed me a plastic container and began to explain how I was to go about obtaining a stool sample since, you know, I am currently the one at home with him during the day.

Now, I don’t do poop. I just don’t. When Rowdie relieves himself, Hugh or one of the children is responsible for hazardous materials disposal. I do my part; I bring home the food. I buy the treats and toys. I wash the dog, clean up his muddy paw prints and massage his tickle spot until his eyes roll back in his head and his leg starts kicking as if he was trying to jump-start a motorcycle. But. I. Don’t Do. Poop.

The dog knows this. Still, the obvious look of disgust on my face apparently offended the poor baby who looked at me as if to say “What, your shit don’t stink?” while giving me the puppy equivalent of an eye-roll before heading outside to do his business while Hugh was in attendance and able to collect the necessary “sample”.

I bought him treats and a new stuffed squeaky toy for his thoughtfulness.

Have I mentioned that I am ready to go back to work?

Saying Hello To 2007

Laughter heralded the New Year in our household. We invited a few friends over for appetizers and board games on New Year’s Eve and the kids had us all rolling when they presented an impromptu magic show from a Gross Magic kit the Man-Cub received as a Christmas gift from his Aunt Jules. His ability to make an eyeball disappear amused us thoroughly; kid could have a future in show biz.

Not long before midnight, we started playing a game of CSI and had just about managed to solve the crime when it was time to break out the noisemakers, sparklers and confetti poppers. Playing a game reminded me of New Year’s eves when I was a kid; my younger sister and I would play strip Monopoly and then dare each other to run down the block in our undies while my parents attended New Year’s Eve parties at the local Elk’s club. Since no one got naked last night I think it is safe to say that my New Year's revelry has become quite tame. You know, compared to my wild youth.

The first day of this New Year was fun as well. Hugh, the kids and I loaded the truck with inflatable tubes and tobagans and then threw Rowdie in the truck for good measure. We headed to the hills to participate in a long held tradition of sledding in the new year. It was quite cold but the snow was good so we set up the camp heater, downed some hot cocoa and spent the next couple of hours sledding. By the time we got home, we were all pretty tired and, since I have to put away all of my holiday decorations tomorrow (which does NOT make my list of favorite holiday activities, I assure you), I think I will call it an early night.

However, not before I share my resolutions for 2007!

I resolve to continue with a healthy diet and exercise program (which I started again today, the gluttony, it endeth, amen!).

I resolve to spend less money on stupid things in 2007.

I resolve to keep my home office and my work office organized and tidy.

I resolve to have more fun with my family.

I resolve to downsize the clutter in my closets, attics, cabinets and garage.

Luckily, none of these things is terribly difficult so, I should have no problem. Well, maybe with number two but you know baby steps.

Speaking of babies…….

Awwwhh!