Tuesday, January 09, 2007


I bought a set of new glasses today. I wish I could say they were either a fabulous set of swanky wine glasses or a sassy set of shot glasses but, they were, in truth, eyeglasses.

Yes, eyeglasses as in, hey! Remember last summer when you had that eye exam and the eye doctor guy wrote that prescription for new lenses? Lenses that might actually enable you to like, see the road at night, possibly saving your life or the lives of a family of sweet raccoons out for a nighttime stroll? Lenses that could perhaps, grant you the ability to tell what time it is on the digital clock on the DVD player because, although the clock is a mere three feet from the couch, all you currently see is a neon green blob? Because, although your best guess is still technically right twice a day, wouldn’t it be nice to actually know that you only have two minutes to use the bathroom, grab a diet Pepsi and let the dog out before the new episode of Grey’s Anatomy starts? Yes? Well then, dummy, don’t you suppose now would be a good time to actually use the friggin prescription and buy new glasses already?

Yes, yes and yes.

So, yeah, six months later, I finally bought glasses.

I bet you think that my failure to rush right out and buy them six months ago was due to the fact that I feared being the Girl Who Wears Glasses, huh? Au contraire, mon frere. In truth, I already wear glasses at work so, I already am That Girl. Granted, I’ve had them since 1991 and my prescription has changed, rendering them about as effective as staring through the bottom of my diet Pepsi bottle in as far as vision correction goes but, my point is; I don’t fear wearing glasses based on the fact that I think they make me look unattractive. I know they make me look unattractive and I wear them despite that to um…yeah….um...correct my vision which, as I guess we have just established they don't actually do, anymore. Huh.

See? Not vain. Lazy, hell yes but, not vain.

Anyhoo, Hugh met me at the place where they sell eyeglasses, the, um… eyeglass store? Does that seem right? I dunno.

And, I digress….

….where I tried on about eighty gazillion frames searching for two that I liked, one for home and one for the office. Hugh gave me the thumbs down repeatedly. Finally, we found two frames that we agreed made me look neither like I should invest in a Pocket Protector and change my name to Suzy Poindexter nor like I should dye my hair blue and start chasing kids off my lawn with a cane. They won’t transform me into a ravishing beauty with the power to make grown men swoon but, I’ll take what I can get; they aren’t magic glasses after all.

Unfortunately, the glasses won’t be ready for about a week. In the meantime, I will still have to rely on Hugh to tell me when Grey’s is starting and on the children to point out helpless animals in the roadway.

When they are ready, my vision will be restored but, I will, unfortunately, still be lazy. See above not magic.

No comments:

Post a Comment