Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner

While I was home at Thanksgiving, I recruited Mom to help me with yet another Pinterest project, crafting an ugly sweater that I had pinned at least a year ago and that I thought would be a great contender in our office Ugly Sweater Contest at the annual employee party.

I purchased the sweater at our local Salvation Army store and then Mom and I hunted the thrift stores in Mayberry for items that would be suitable for decorating it.

Mom was the official seamstress, since I still have PTSD from that time in Home Ec. when I sewed my fingers together (true story), and she did a great job.

I wore the sweater to the office Christmas party this past Monday and, despite some stiff competition from the jokers from the corporate office, I won, handily.

How could I not? I was a tree, people! Pinterest victory, indeed. Also, if anyone needs to borrow a sweater for an Ugly Sweater contest, or, you know, just because you want to look like a Christmas tree (you never know, there may be a fetish for that; people are weird, y'all), I can totally hook you up.

You can't have my trophy though; it's a major award!**

**Extra credit if you can match the quote to the movie.

Throwback Thursday: The Ungrateful Pre-Teen Edition

As a mother of teenagers, I know how challenging it can be to choose just the right gift to place under the Christmas Tree. I have spent weeks asking probing questions only to be greeted with the old stand-by "I don't know", or, by my personal favorite, "I don't need anything". Not helpful.

So, I have a fresh appreciation for the frustration my parents must have felt during the Christmas of 1979.

That year, there was never any question that my older sister wanted a satin jacket, a maroon satin jacket with white sleeves, to be exact.

And, the fact that my younger sister desperately desired a Baby Snuggles was well-known throughout the household.

I, however, must have continued to answer the age-old question of "What do you want for Christmas?" with my present day nemesis answers of; "I don't know" or "I don't need anything"...

...which possibly explains why, on Christmas morning, my older sister opened up her package to discover that satin jacket and Barbie found that doll under the tree while I unwrapped a yellow, plastic, mushroom-shaped powder puff.

The look on my face perfectly captured my feelings at the time, like, "Hey! This is so....cool?". Which, was probably not what my poor mom was going for like at all.

She was clearly hoping for something more along the lines of Barbie's reaction...

...and I'm really sorry I didn't deliver; that was one happy kid.

Of course, the powder puff wasn't the only gift I received that year; I remember enjoying the Fashion Plates I got very much, so, it's not like I was deprived or anything. In fact, I was pretty spoiled when I think about it; I had a few friends who probably would have been beyond thrilled with that powder puff.

I guess my point is; I feel my mom's pain; trying to create the most special memories every year is exhausting and, having an ungrateful kid must have been damaging to her psyche.

I'm sorry, Mom. I hope the fact that I have nothing but wonderful memories of the experiences you provided for us during our childhood Christmases makes up for the fact that I was a little shit back in 1979.

I really do.

 

Forget the yellow powder puff, WTF is up with the red socks?

We're Having a Very Pinterest Christmas

I've been on quite the crafting kick, lately. I'm not sure if the holiday season has anything to do with it or if I am just feeling a need to keep myself mindlessly busy, but, either way; I have created some kick-ass items from my ever-growing list of pins on Pinterest.

One of the most recent is an awesome star, cobbled together from nothing more than yard sticks and hot glue. Like, seriously.

Ok, and paint.

And, lights, but, that is it for materials.

I just formed a rough star shape with the yard sticks, hot glued them together at the ends, and applied a light coat of spray paint before wiring a strand of lights to it and calling it good**.

Then, I plugged it in, arranged it with the vintage light-up Santa that Barbie got me for my birthday and some fresh greenery and, voila! Instant Christmas decoration for the porch!

 

I love the way it turned out and it couldn't be any less expensive. It definitely lights up the porch and I love the way it frames the vintage Santa. In short, this was a Pinterest victory, which, makes up for the nine hundred and ninety-nine Pinterest failures that I have endured.

You know, somewhat.

**I keep saying I but, Hugh would have you know that he glued that star together because I am apparently incapable of creating right angles. Also, he painted it because I am a delicate flower who cannot abide spray paint underneath my fingernails. True story.

I Guess It Could Be an ICED Chocolate Bar

Despite almost record-warm days,the nights and early mornings here in Petticoat Junction have gotten quite chilly. So, of course I busted out this year's hot cocoa bar.

The Man-Cub has been taking full advantage of it, so much so that I had to invest in a package of disposable hot beverage cups with lids; I had grown weary of the Cub running off with my travel mugs, never to be seen again (or, at least not until he cleans out his locker at the end of the year, at which point there will be no getting the nasty washed out).

The forecast for the next week or so promises more sunshine and warm temperatures so I am debating the merits of reclaiming counter space by temporarily retiring the bar to the pantry. Of course, the second I do that, a blizzard will roll in, so, instead, I think I will encourage the Cub to throw some ice on his cocoa and call it a Frappuccino.

We'll be the only family on the block with a Frappuccino bar. I could live with that.

Throwback Thursday: The Childhood Christmas Edition

My house has been fully decorated since before Thanksgiving and I haven't yet gotten around to taking pictures of the decorations. I blame that partly on the fact that the lights on the front porch are still not right (The Never Ending Saga of the Lights. Coming soon to a blog near you!), and partly on the fact that I am lazy (Or, because I'm feeling a bit bah-humbug this year; could go either way).

I will eventually get around to the photos (And to baking cookies, shopping for presents, wrapping presents, mailing holiday cards, and/or generally feeling the holiday spirit. Grief is fun!), but, in the meantime, I have photos from past Christmases to share, and, that's really more fun, anyway; retro is in, y'all!

Where to begin...how about Christmas 1968? My first Christmas. I can't tell you what I got that year, other than utter humiliation at the hands of my parents, who dressed me like a certain jolly old elf. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Christmas 1969

I must have been a little over a year old and, judging from the photo below, totally thrilled to have received an...um..not sure what that is. But, clearly, it rocked.**

It should also be noted that my older sister was super-grateful for the awesome dollhouse. That, or her hands were clasped to her chest as she pled with Santa to return me to the North Pole (I think she was over me by that point).

The next photo is Christmas 1970.

I was two years old and clearly stoked about the Snoopy Says See and Say that Santa brought me. Honestly, can you blame me? My older sister scored a Kerplunk game and we must have had that thing for ages because I actually remember it. Also, while she seemed happy enough about her gifts, her expression definitely lacked my enthusiasm.

Just saying.

So...Christmas 1971

One of those books was the adventures of H.R. Pufnstuff. Remember him? Witchipoo? The Magic Flute?

Yeah, what the hell were people smoking back then?

And, I digress.

Christmas 1972

That year, I got the Barbie camper, it was awesome. However, if photos are any indication, my mom considered another gift to be of far more importance...

Matching robes. Does it get any more adorable than that? Clearly, she thought not.

Christmas 1973

The wooden shoes were a gift from my Aunt Connie, who was living in Germany at the time. I still have them and they have seen many an elementary school classroom Show and Tell hour.

I think that's enough for today; I don't want to use up all my throwback material before the end of the month. Stay tuned for Childhood Christmas: The Adolescent Edition in all it's awkward glory.

**Closer inspection indicates that it was, in fact, a doll. Thanks, Santa!

The Christmas Cookie Challenge

I'm going to tackle my holiday baking list this weekend. At last count, I was planning to bake ten different varieties of cookies, five kinds of candy, two types of quick breads and a cranberry-eggnog cheesecake.

I don't consider the baking to be all that challenging; the challenging part will come from not eating the cookies, candy, and bread. But, that is my goal for this year. I am going to avoid the frosted sugar cookies, drop sugar cookies, soft ginger cookies and other sugary treats.

And, wow, that's going to be... really tough, I mean, Christmas is the only time of year that I make pizzelles...

...ok, so, at the very least, I am going to commit to eating fewer cookies than in years past.

And, I will definitely not eat the candy.

Except for testing the flavor after each batch, you know, for quality control purposes, but, that's it.

I can totally do without the quick bread, I bet I won't even miss having a nice slab of warm banana bread with a smear of sweet butter with my coffee on a cold winter morning.

Yeah, I won't miss that at all.

Damnit, I think I am beginning to understand why New Year's resolutions happen in the new year.

Family Photos

I'm sort of on a roll with the pictures lately. I have a good reason; I have agreed to photograph a wedding for the daughter of some friends of ours and I really need the practice. Photographing a wedding is so far out of my comfort zone, it isn't even funny, but, I really like these particular people and I'm relatively confident that they won't stop speaking to me if I screw this up.

At least, I hope not.

Anyway, I'm really hoping that the wedding location will feature good natural light because I detest flash photography (because I suck at it). I know I won't get as lucky as I did with the light in my Mom's living room when I took our family pictures, but, I'm crossing my fingers, anyway.

Speaking of our family pictures...

This was a decent first effort but, it felt like something was missing...oh, yeah, the dog. Whoops!

That's better., but, still not quite right, how about another dog (borrowed from my Mom)? Dogs are cute, right?

Perfect.

Better get a good shot of the kids, too, after all; the Man-Cub was still wearing braces in the last decent one that I took.

Of course, the hallmark of a good photo shoot is the blackmail-worthy-quality of the outtakes; thank goodness, my people deliver that in spades.

 

Now, I'll cross my fingers and hope that the wedding pictures go as smoothly. Or, that the alcohol at the wedding flows freely. Either way.