Someday I Will...

-Take a culinary tour of Italy (this is vastly different from EATING one at Olive Garden).

-Plant and nurture a beautiful Victorian garden (as opposed to planting and KILLING a beautiful Victorian garden).

-Learn how to make Rice Krispie treats that don’t taste like marshmallow-flavored hockey pucks.

-Scuba dive off the Great Barrier Reef.

-Own an authentic Epiphanie camera bag.

-Conquer my addictions to diet Pepsi and OPI.

-Write something else that gets published.

-Become fluent in Italian.

-Stop fighting and let my hair turn gray.

-Own a cottage on a beach or a cabin on a mountain lake.

-Treat my girlfriends to a week at a spa.

-Take my kids to New York City to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, visit Ground Zero and the 9/11 Memorial, take a carriage ride through Central Park, split a sundae at Serendipity and tour the Statue of Liberty.

Today I will...

-Attend an ASTRA meeting where I will help thirty teenagers plan a Halloween costume ball.

-Count yesterday's receipts at the store after which I will wash my hands, thoroughly (Money is dirty, y'all, hence the term filthy rich, I guess?).

-Pull the last of the beets from my garden.

- Cheer for the Man-Cub at an exhibition football game; hope he doesn't get knocked across the field (again).

-Cheer for The Teenager at a volleyball game; hope she manages a few kills and that her serves are as awesome as they were at her last game (nine in a row, cinching the set for her team).

-Make several dozen Gatorblox for The Teenager's PE class (yeah, still not quite sure how I got volunteered for that one).

-Vampire Diaries!!

-Watch Hugh pack for a weekend trip to Denver; help him find (insert item here).

-Tuck my children in for the night.

-Thank God for today and for the possibilities of Someday.

Robert Frost Knew What He Was Talking About

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

This tree in my front yard is always the first tree to change into its' autumn finery; I don't know why. It is also the first to drop its' leaves and, it manages to do both these things within a couple of days so, blink and you can miss it. I'm glad I didn't miss it it this year.

Autumn is making itself known in other areas of the yard as well and, my garden is on its' last legs. Sunday evening, I roasted the last of the carrots and some beets and made Hugh a cucumber and dill salad with the last of the cucumbers. I still need to cut the heads off the sunflowers (cheesecloth turbans do keep the mice away; old-timer farmer folk know of what they speak) and I'll have beets and tomatoes for awhile yet but, otherwise, the garden is basically done.

This weekend, I'm hoping to hook up with Jana for a picnic in the mountains. We have both been hoping to get pictures of the kids in some of the locations that we used to take them when they were younger and we both especially like the fall colors so, fingers crossed for good weather and cooperative offspring (what are the odds?).

In the meantime, I'm going to take longer walks around the park, to fully enjoy the sights, smells and sounds of autumn  because, in no time, Old Man Winter will blanket the colors with a shroud of brilliant white and, I'll admit; I'm not quite ready for that.

Nothing gold can stay, indeed.

I Really Hope You Aren't on Dial-Up

The Man-Cub is officially a teenager, another Homecoming is finally over, and I kept my sanity through both events. Go me.

As I mentioned previously, the Man-Cub requested a simple sleepover with four of his buddies for his birthday celebration. Since all five boys are football fanatics, an evening at the Homecoming football game provided more than enough entertainment. Combine that with pizza, cupcakes and a late night of movies and games on the Wii and on the Cub's new iPod Touch and; the party was more than successful. Indeed, it was super-successful. Of course, we are talking about five thirteen-year-old boys here and, perpetual motion kept me from getting any decent pictures so, you'll just have to take my word for it.

I did manage to get pictures of the last of the Homecoming festivities, however and, you are about to be inundated. Consider yourselves warned.

So,Twin Day..

 Wow! You girls look...absolutely nothing alike.

...Blue and Gold Day and the entire Sophomore class getting into the spirit by decorating a float for the annual parade...

The theme for Homecoming was Stomp the Steers (we played the Longhorns in the football game) and the kids made a valiant effort to create a large football cleat out of half a barrel, some chicken wire, a package of napkins and some spray paint. The cleat was then poised over a large roping dummy generously provided by one of the local ranching families. The plan was great, in theory.

In practice? Yeah, not so much.

That's ok, the kids still had a great time and, since the fix is in (Junior class always wins for Best Float pretty much the way that the Sophomore/Senior Powderpuff team always wins the game: Righteous Cheating), and they didn't expect to win, anyway; they were free to enjoy the ride...

Isn't that your mom? With the camera?

God, yes. Just keep smiling and maybe she'll go away.

The week's theme was carried out nicely later in the evening, when our football team neatly disposed of the Longhorns and the kids had the next day to relax a bit before the big dance.

And, by relax, I mean; run around like crazy people, curling hair, painting nails, picking up boutonnieres and generally making their parents insane with the Homecoming Nerves. Or, maybe that was just at my house.

Gawd! Just take the picture, already!

Despite her nerves, The Teenager managed to get her date's boutonniere pinned on with a minimum of fuss (I'm lying).

Boutonniere pinning is hard, y'all.

Then, after the requisite three million photos...

... the two jetted off the porch and out of the driveway like they had just committed a crime. And I was barely even chasing them, I swear.

Don't lie, you were totally chasing us.

In my defense, I might be annoying her with the camera now but, someday she'll thank me for preserving these preshus High School memories. Someday.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to lie down. This has been a really taxing week for me; that camera isn't exactly light, you know.

There Are Two Teenagers in my Home

Someone help me.

All kidding aside, I am finding it really difficult to believe that I am now the parent of teenagers. I was perfectly content to be the mother of an infant and a toddler. A toddler and a pre-schooler. A pre-schooler and an elementary schooler. Two elementary schoolers. A pre-teen and a teen...you get the picture, but; two teenagers? Not quite sure I'm ready for that.

On the other hand, when those teenagers bring home midterm reports studded with A's and B's and liberally sprinkled with glowing comments from their teachers; it makes the pill a little easier to swallow.

Also, when your newly-teenaged son squeals like a two-year-old upon opening the new iPod that you bought for him, well; age becomes sort of relative.

Happy birthday, Cubby. Which reminds me; whatever will I call you, now? Have you outgrown Man-Cub?  are you now...Teen-Cub? Nah.

You'll always be my Man-Cub.

The Things No One Tells You

From the moment the plus sign appears on a pee stick, people come out of the woodwork with stories about what to expect from parenting. They tell of sleepless nights, diaper blow-outs to rival the worst industrial accidents and colicky cry-fests that test even the most patient of parents. What they don't tell you is that you will often find yourself in the most ridiculous situations, all on behalf of your children.

Take, for instance, 7:00 this morning; when I found myself in the garden, hunting for five examples of insects for a science assignment that was due by noon. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find insects when you want to find them as opposed to, say, when you don't want to find them (in your salad, perhaps)? Factor in a nearly hysterical teenager (If I don't turn them in I will faiiillll! And I won't get to decorate the Homecoming float! Whaaa!!!) and a recent cold-snap that has seriously depleted the number of available specimens and you have a recipe for parental disaster, otherwise known as: The Mommy Meltdown.

And I hadn't even had my coffee yet.

Happily, I managed to keep my cool and, with the help of the Man-Cub, we found a grasshopper, a cricket, a (dead) wasp, and an ant. We thought we had a Praying Mantis but, unfortunately, it was missing its' head, and having a head was required for the assignment (Insects must have three body parts and six legs. Science 101). We hoped to find a butterfly or a moth but were out of luck so, The Teenager had to make do with four out of five of the assignment elements which is good enough for a B and; a B will entitle the child to push tissue paper into chicken wire float decorations quite nicely while, hopefully, impressing upon her the need to do homework assignments well before they are due. Not that she usually has a problem with that. I blame Homecoming which, by the way; today is Color Wars Day and The Teenager was rocking the hated pink quite well. Isn't she preshus? That totally makes up for all the ridiculousness (I'm lying).

You think I'm going to let a headless Praying Mantis jeopardize my status on the Honor Roll? Ridiculous! In fact, that's almost as ridiculous as seeing my mom crawling around in the garden in her bathrobe calling "Here grasshopper, grasshopper, grasshopper!" Almost.

So, yeah, the things we do for our kids. Parents-to-be? Don't say I didn't warn you.

It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Dislocates an Elbow

The annual Homecoming Powderpuff Football game pitting the Senior/Sophomore team against the Junior/Freshman team took place under the lights of the High School football field this evening.

Despite getting a late start due to the misplacement of some vital equipment (flags and the football), it was a helluva game; with the Senior/Sophomore team taking an early lead, a lead they would retain until the game was abruptly ended by an injury to one of the players on the Junior/Freshman team. For the record, dislocated elbows are nasty to look at. I'm guessing one is no picnic to feel, either.

 Did you see that? That shit's gnarly!

Anyway, The Teenager and her team emerged victorious, the injury to their competitor is likely easily-treatable and a good time was had by all. Except for the girl who had her elbow dislocated, I mean, obviously.

No Powderpuff players were injured in the making of this pyramid

But I'm Already Home

It's Homecoming week here in Petticoat Junction, also known as Spirit! Week and you can bet The Teenager is raring to go. Today, she donned board shorts, a rash guard and a colorful lei in honor of Beach Day

She looked precious and was just so excited; her delight almost made it possible for me to forgive her when she asked if she could raid my closet for tomorrow's theme which is Fashion Disaster Day. Almost.

The rest of Spirit! Week will see the kids dressed as twins for Twin Day (duh) as well as in assigned colors for Color Wars Day. The Teenager's class drew the short stick and will be wearing pink again this year, which makes for two years in a row. The Teenager is now threatening a boycott of the color if the class draws it again next year and I have volunteered to purchase logo tees declaring Pink? WTH?! in the event that they manage to make a clean sweep of it by drawing the color again as Seniors, I mean, what are the odds (Ha! Jinx!) Finally, on Friday, the kids will outfit themselves in traditional blue and gold for the parade and spirit assembly prior to the football game.

Speaking of football, The Teenager will be playing in the Powderpuff game on Tuesday night despite the fact that she really, really doesn't want to have to actually  touch the ball,  just like last year.

I can't blame her, really, I mean, what if she takes a ball to the face and ends up bruised for the Homecoming dance? That would be terrible, especially since she has a date for the dance. You heard me. A date. Apparently, The Crush wasn't nearly as intimidated by Hugh as we had hoped and he has invited The Teenager to accompany him to the dance. The teenager is, as you might have guessed, thrilled. And, I got to order the first Homecoming boutonniere that I have ever ordered in my life, having given that chore honor to my own mother several decades ago.

Please do feel free to burst into a rousing rendition of The Circle of Life.

Speaking of which, in addition to all the Homecoming festivities, the Man-Cub is having a birthday this week (Thirteen. Kill me. Kill me, now). He's already requested a sleep-over with four or five of his friends and, I'm completely fine with that because three-out-of-the-five boys who will be in attendance have massive school-boy crushes on The Teenager and I'm fairly certain they will give The Crush a tougher time than either Hugh or I ever dreamed of and; I'm going to find that quite entertaining.

Homecoming is fun for everyone!