Thursday, October 26, 2006

What An Awesomely Suckastic Day I Am Having!

It started when I woke up this morning to a blanket of snow covering the ground which, in hindsight, should have come as no surprise since it was snowing last night when the kids and I drove to the airport to pick up Hugh following his flight from Milwaukee.

Still. Snow in October, blech.

Also, don’t know if I have mentioned this before but I hate, hate, hate to drive in the snow. I hate it with the intensity of a million burning urinary tract infections and not because I’m a bad driver; because of all the other bad drivers. Like say, this morning’s particular jackass; a Texan in a humongous SUV who could not be bothered to signal before changing lanes or to yield the right of way when it was required of him. He totally deserved a middle finger salute but, I resisted the temptation since, someday, the CARma boomerange is going to come back around and he will learn that four-wheel drive does not invincible make; I don't want to jinx myself into being the poor schmuck in his path when it does.

Since merely driving to work wasn’t enough to make my day suck, I got to drive to a seminar a few miles away from my office. I didn’t really want to attend the seminar in the first place and certainly not in a blizzard. Even better was the fact that Hugh called right before I left to inform me that the ice maker on our freezer had malfunctioned and flooded the kitchen floor. The wood floors. Sucktastic!

And, the seminar was just as fabulous as I had expected it to be (she said sarcastically). I tried to pay attention to the presenter, however and, I did learn a few valuable tips related to the field of advertising; such as; Frequency =Top of Mind Awareness=Market Share.

Seriously? I had no idea (there’s that sarcasm again).

I did manage to incorporate the "impressive" factoids that I gleaned during the seminar in my mental wanderings, however:

Repetition Builds Reputation! Really? Someone should have explained that particular bit of logic to several girls in my high school; repeatedly screwing the football team did indeed build their reputations as total ho bags.

Frequency of 3=Top of Mind Awareness! I have to pee. I have to pee. I have to pee. Ah, I see how that works.

Frequency+Top of Mind Awareness=Market Share! Man, I hope the floors aren’t ruined in the kitchen; it would totally suck for Hugh to have to rip them up and replace them. Fucking ice maker! That fridge isn’t even a year old yet; bastards better replace it. I have to pee….Nintendo controls a large share of the video game market, no shit…I hope The Girl likes the pink Nintendo lite thingie-bopper we got her for Christmas….I can’t believe she wanted to ask Santa for an i-Pod….oh, god, I hope she doesn’t know the truth about Santa and wasn’t just asking for an i-pod to trip us up….that would be so sneaky….I have to pee….It’s still snowing, fuck! I guess the trip to the pumpkin patch with Jana and the kids tomorrow is off…Starbucks controls a large share of the coffee market, you don't say!…Hey..they have pumpkin lattes at Starbucks….I like pumpkin lattes....pumpkins are fun, they're so round and orange and stuff...I really need to pee…I currently control a large share of the I Need To Pee market.

So informative.

Finally, it was over and I got to drive back to my office. In the blizzrd. Only to discover that our bathroom is out of order and, I don’t know if I mentioned this but, I had to pee.


I am so looking forward to my “vacation” next week.

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