Monday, June 18, 2007

Why?

I wanted to write about my Dad today. I wanted to express how glad I am that he is my Dad. Of all the people in the world I could have ended up with; how truly blessed I was to find my way to him.

I wanted to talk about how proud I am to be his daughter. How his presence has enriched my life. How everything I do, I do with the knowledge that he will support me.

And, another day, I will. But, not today.

Yesterday, a very good friend of my daughter’s drowned. Her "boyfriend” since kindergarten, he played in my yard more times than I can count and his frequent phone calls were the highlight of my daughter’s day. Hugh coached him in wrestling and I enjoyed an easy camaraderie with his mother. I had the privilege of watching him grow from a toothless five-year old into a genuinely nice young man.

And now, I have to tell my daughter that he is dead.

Why? Why? Why?

Why God?

I don’t understand. Why? Why take an eleven year old son from his mother? Why a fifteen month old baby from his parents? Or, for that matter; a thirty-eight year old man from his new wife? Why?

I am just so…angry.

I don’t want to be angry. I want to believe that everything happens for a reason. I want to believe that God is merciful. In this moment, I just….can’t. I can’t reconcile a God who would bless my life with the family that I have with a God who would allow such pain for another family that I care about. I just can’t. Not today.

And I’m so very angry at myself for not being able to.

13 comments:

Finlands finest said...

I am soo sorry. My sympathies and prayers are with you, your family, his family, and all those who knew this young boy.

Erika said...

Oh God, Chell, I am so sorry. I can't even imagine.

Sparky Duck said...

great googly moogly, you just need a hug so here *hugs*

julia said...

Hi, I'm popping by your site for the first time on a really difficult day for you. I'm very sorry to hear of this loss. It makes it hard for you to answer your daughter's questions when you don't know the answers yourself. Simply love her.

FRIGGA said...

I'm here via Sparky Duck. There's not really anything I can say. *hugs*

Jen said...

Oh God, I'm sorry. His poor family, your poor daughter. I am so sorry.

amy said...

I cant answer that..Praying for all who knew this little one..Its so tragic!

Christine said...

I'm coming here from Sparky's blog. I wanted to give you a HUG and I hope each day will get a little bit easier for you and your family and friends.

Jenny McB said...

I am also here via Sparky's blog, it's a horrible loss for all of you. I hope that you are doing okay. When two girls died in my son's class in fifth grade, they had the kids write letter about their friends for a scrapbook for the parents. It helped for the kids to be able to express themselves.
Peace to you during this sad time.

Anndi said...

I stopped over after visiting Sparky.

I'm so very sorry. It doesn't seem right when the young are taken from us, when decent people pass. And as difficult as it is somedays, I try and take comfort at the thought that there are a few more angels looking out for the people they love.

Your daughter's friend and his loved ones are in my prayers.

Wordnerd said...

I think Blogger just ate my comment, so at the risk of a repeat, let me just say that I am visiting from Sparky Duck's, and I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. One of the hardest part of being a parent is when you have to break news like this to your child. My prayers are with you, your daughter, and, of course, the family of that precious boy.

Starrlight said...

Here via The Duck who said it was a tough day for you, and man that is horrible. Your family and his are in my prayers.

Toni. said...

I found your blog via Dana's. I just want you to know we experienced nearly the same thing this past week. An 11yo girl whose family belonged to our homeschool group, accidentally drowned in the bath tub as her father slept (no foul play suspected). The mother was less than a week from a scheduled C-section. I can't imagine her pain, nor the father's complete and total anguish and sense of guilt. I'm so sorry to hear that you too are in the midst of such terrible news.
Blessings,
~Toni2~