What the Doctors Don’t Tell You
Every year at my annual groping, my gynecologist asks me a series of questions about my health and habits and, each year when she asks if I am taking a daily calcium supplement I smile brightly and lie through my teeth; yep!
I am determined not to be a liar this year and have thus started choking down two giant horse-pill-sized calcium caplets each day. I was feeling quite virtuous about it, too. That is, until I started to notice certain, um...difficulties in the bathroom arena.
Without going into too much detail, allow me to be the first to inform you of a little known fact that the doctor will not share with you; calcium causes constipation.
Never fear, after much research on the topic I learned that a simple magnesium supplement counter-acts the plugging properties of the calcium and is required by your body for muscle repair, etc, anyway. So, now I swallow a dainty little magnesium tablet after gagging myself on the giant horse-pill-sized calcium supplements and all is well in Pooperville.
Thank goodness for Doctor Google.
Also, my damn body had better appreciate my efforts; if I wake up twenty years from now with a spine that is doing an S-curve after all this effort, I will not be a happy camper.
Oh, I will exploit my unfortunate condition for purposes of creating truly creepy Halloween costumes (think, Igor) but I will not be happy about it.