Less than two weeks from now, The Teenager will turn fifteen.
Yes, yes I did just throw up in my mouth, a little; how did you know?
Anyhoodle, fifteen, for the uneducated amongst you, is teenager-speak for OLD ENOUGH TO OBTAIN A DRIVING PERMIT which also translates into adult-speak for DANGER, DANGER WILL ROBINSON! And, anyone living within a fifty mile radius of Petticoat Junction might want to steer clear of the streets for the foreseeable future.
(In the interest of full-disclosure; sidewalks might not be safe, either.)
I’m kidding, of course; I’m sure The Teenager will be a fabulous driver, once she actually gets behind a wheel which, won’t actually happen until Hugh manages to find an inexpensive, gas-efficient used car that doesn’t set us back an arm and a leg because; girlfriend is not learning how to drive in my ginormous Tahoe.
Indeed, if I had it my way, she would learn how to drive in the pink Barbie Jeep that she received for her fifth birthday; much safer and, ultimately less expensive than say, a 1974 VW Beetle or a Cadillac, circa 1985 which are the current front-runners in our search for a third family vehicle.
(Also in the interest of full-disclosure; The Teenager is impressed with neither.)
Actually, I think all teenagers should be required to learn to drive using the child-sized cars and, those cars should be all that they are allowed to drive until they leave home for college. It makes sense, when you think about it; less congestion on the highways (they could use the bicycle lane), more efficient parking (three kiddie-cars to one parking space!), less chance of injury in case of accidents (a maximum speed of three miles per hour hardly encourages drag-racing after all) and, most importantly, a vastly reduced risk of teenage pregnancy since most kiddie-cars lack a backseat.
Wow. I think I might actually be on to something, here.
I should contact my local legislature to sponsor a bill on the topic. In the meantime, I have to write a check for $350 to cover the expense of The Teenager's driver's ed class which, it should be noted, is more than I spent on that pink Barbie Jeep ten years ago.