Remember how the elevator doors opened up and a tidal wave of blood came poring forth in a grisly flood of horror while the creepy wonder twins stood creepily by, staring at the camera?
I am currently staying in a hotel just like that only, instead of creepy dead wonder twins, our protagonists are a pair of questionable pizza delivery men with possible homicidal tendencies, the jury still being out on that simply because no one has discovered the bodies of their victims yet; I give it until tomorrow's evening news.
On the bright side, I'm not alone; Jules, her husband and her daughters are here with us so, The Teenager, the Man-Cub and I have someone to commiserate with and, what could we possibly commiserate over, besides the possibly-murderous pizza delivery guys? Um... how about the rather unkempt condition of the bathroom in our room when we checked in (four-out-of-seven of us vote for rats being the most logical explanation for the mysterious mess discovered on the bathroom floor while two of us are certain it is merely remnants of the popcorn ceiling that have fallen from the sky due to obvious water damage. One lone hold-out insists the mess was actually cigarette butts but, seven-out-of-seven of us agree; shit was nasty).
Ok, maybe that's only one or two things but, I think we can all agree; serial killers masquerading as pizza delivery men and unidentifiable gore in a room that you paid $69 for are pretty big things.
And, lest you think me a over-dramatic, I will spare you the details of our dinner at a local restaurant. Really. I won't tell you about the filthy condition of our tablecloth, about the creature seated at the table next to us (although you might be interested to know that it was probably a Yeti. A Yeti in drag) or about how our waitress was drunk and stumbling over her own feet because, so what, right? Waitresses get drunk on the job all the time and I'm sure she wasn't the first drunk waitress who ever tried to add her Dos Equis to an unsuspecting customer's bill (oh yes, she did). It's ok, though because she totally made up for it by promising to cheer for the girls at their volleyball games tomorrow and, I mean, yay!! Who doesn't love a drunken, thieving waitress-slash-cheerleader?
Plus, we arrived back at the hotel to find an extremely tattooed police officer guarding the front lobby so; apparently no need to waste more worries on those possibly-murderous pizza delivery guys! That right there? Is service worthy of $69.
So, it's all good.
But, just in case; if you all don't hear from me again by Monday, you might want to alert the proper authorities.