Tuesday, July 02, 2013

An Open Letter To My Children's Friends

I am your best friend's mom, and, because I am your best friend's mom; I am your mom, by default (this is an actual rule in the Official Parenting Manual that each of you were born with, ask your mom if you don't believe me).

This means several things:

  1. When you are in my home, you will be expected to help yourself to food in the refrigerator and cupboards.
  2. You will then be expected to clean up after yourself.
  3. When you travel with us to a sporting event, you can rest assured that I will have packed you a lunch. And snacks. And drinks. You will never go hungry when under my care.
  4. I will always refer to you as "baby", "small fry", or, "second son"/ "second daughter" (depending on your gender, I mean, obviously). You are expected to answer to this nickname. Expressing total embarrassment at being called "baby" in public is totally acceptable (why should you dodge that bullet; my real children don't).
  5.  When you are with me, I will correct your grammar. I can't help myself.
  6. I will defend you, protect you, correct you, and encourage you to succeed when your own parents are unavailable to do so.
  7. You are expected to call me if you ever need something and can't reach your own parents.
  8. I will cheer for you at sporting events just as loudly and proudly as I do for The Teenager and/or the Man-Cub.
  9. If you need sunscreen, I will have it. If you don't realize that you need sunscreen, I will remind you...numerous times.
  10. Need an umbrella? Aspirin? Cold pack for a sprain? Extra jacket? Towel? Whatever you need, it's likely in my car/purse/beach bag, etc.; help yourself. 
  11. I will remind you, as often as I can, that you are awesome, smart, beautiful, talented, kind, and wonderful.
  12. When you are naughty (all kids are, I get it), I will shake my head at you and give you the Mom Look. Sometimes, I might be cross with you, but, it's only because I know you can do/be better.

In short, I will treat you like one of my own.

And, by God, you will LIKE it, young man/young lady!

How am I doing, so far?

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