Thursday, January 27, 2022

Throwback Thursday: Sometimes, "Walk It Off" Is Not the Best Advice

Once upon a time, I used to write a weekly series called Throwback Thursday. It was fun for me and I'm not sure why I got away from doing it. Anyhoodle, I'm bringing it back. Probably. Maybe. Or, perhaps today will be a fly-by, one and done type of deal. Guess we'll have to wait and see.

And, I digress.

So, yesterday, one of my team members was complaining of severe menstrual pain. Being female, albeit a female recently on the other side of the menstrual equation, I could relate to her pain. When I asked her if she had been expecting to entertain Aunt Flo this week, she said the most adorable thing; she said "No. I didn't even have the guest room ready". 


I almost wish I could go back in time to when my uterus wept bloody tears just to be able to use that phrase.

But, I still digress.

To the point: her discomfort reminded me of the time that we were in Mayberry for Thanksgiving (as well as celebrating my parent's fiftieth wedding anniversary) and Queen B was in serious pain. Since her uterus was, in fact, weeping bloody tears at the time, I assumed that she was having cramps, so, I suggested a hot bath.

When said hot bath failed to alleviate her discomfort, I cajoled her into joining me for a brisk walk around the block to work out the cramps. Brisk walk quickly devolved into her basically crawling along the asphalt, which, really should have served as a clue to her harried and inobservant mother.

After the walk, we joined the family at the dinner table to indulge in a turkey feast, and, somewhere between carving the turkey and passing the mashed potatoes, Queen B passed the fuck out right in her plate.

A hurried trip to the emergency room in Mount Pilot followed, with an almost immediate diagnosis of appendicitis  Now, you would think that I would have known my daughter had all the symptoms of appendicitis, given that we her brother had gone through that just a few years earlier, but, you would be wrong.

In my defense, when I was the same age that Queen B was at the time; I had terrible cramping when Aunt Flo was staying in the guest room (damn you, missed opportunity!!), so I just naturally assumed that Queen B was having a really gnarly period.

Huh. No wonder a Mother of the Year trophy is nowhere to be seen on my mantel.

Thus endeth this edition of Throwback Thursday. Tune in next week for the next exciting installment!



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