Thursday, April 17, 2008

Men vs. Women: The Illness Edition

She-pulls her aching body out of bed at the crack of dawn to prepare the children for school.

He-whines "I'm sick!", rolls over and goes back to sleep.

She-drags herself to work to meet a deadline.

He-whines “I’m sick!” and drags himself to the couch.

She-comes home from work and, flushed with fever, prepares dinner for the family.

He-whines “I’m sick!” and, flushed with fever, manages to change channels from Sports Center to the local news. Barely.

She-cleans up the kitchen and tosses back a shooter of Nyquil before leaving the house for a meeting at which she must take the official minutes. She prays that the “drowsy” feature of the medication won’t kick in until after she gets back home.

He-calls his buddy on the planning commission and whines “I’m sick! Send me the minutes from tonight’s meeting” then rolls over and goes to sleep on the couch, remote control clasped loosely in his hand.

She-returns from the meeting just in time to tuck the children into bed, wimpers to no one in particular “I’m sick.” and staggers to bed.

He-wakes up feeling rested and refreshed and wonders why She is so damn grumpy and, by the way, where is his breakfast?

She-contemplates whining "I'm sick...of your whining!" but, instead, quietly plots the various ways that she could cause him physical harm without attracting the attention of the local police department then; realizes that she is too tired for plotting, sucks it up and starts her day.


  1. Well, not all guys are like that. Or so I hear.

  2. Oh, I got one for ya! I get sick...any kind of sick...injured, ill, crazy...and my husband throws his back out. Without fail. I wish I were kidding here. And as soon as I either get better or suck it up...he's healed. It's actually getting comical. ;)

  3. Sorry to hear it :( Feel better soon!

  4. That is why woman are the stronger gender!!

  5. Oh, this was hilarious! I think you should add this to your sidebar under a new category: Classic Posts.
    Also, Jen? Mine too! It's freaky! Give birth? Husband throws his back out. Getting sick? Sprains an ankle. Etc. It's like competitiveness gone BATSHIT CRAZY.

  6. Oh, desperate housewife, you feel my pain. ;) I figure this is why I haven't gotten sick this winter; I couldn't handle being sick, being mom, and not killing my husband for throwing out his back. ;)

  7. I hear you sister. Once I was sick with some kind of virus...blinding headache, throwing up, etc. Well my husband wanted to go and watch the Nebraska game that wasn't showing on our cable system, and he actually uttered "is it ok to leave 'Sammy'(the kid) at home with you?" A week later when he had the same virus we had to speak in whispers because his "head hurt sooooo bad". I could go on but we get the picture!