Friday, May 23, 2008

My Honor Student Can Beat Up His Father

Ok, not really but; I do have an honor student and Hugh did end up in the emergency room last night. The two are in no way related but, I’ll get to that, shortly.

The Man-Cub’s awards assembly yesterday proved quite exciting. The child did manage to snag the coveted Perfect Attendance Award. While there were a number of students who earned Outstanding Attendance awards, having missed four or fewer days throughout the school year; only the Cub and on other child earned Perfect Attendance by missing not a single day. I’m sure the other kid’s mother was proud, too.

In addition to the Perfect Attendance Award, the Cub was recognized by the Principal as an Academic Honor Student and by the PE teacher, who awarded him an Athletic Award for running the mile in under twelve minutes (he actually ran a mile and a half in under twelve minutes. Five days in a row; I get dizzy just thinking about it). Needless to say, we were very proud of our son.

If he could just remember to change his underwear without being reminded, we would be beside ourselves.

Now, on to the next topic; Hugh’s trip to the emergency room, #275,764,896, also known as The Trip That Will Probably Cause Aflac To Think Twice About Renewing Our Policy.

Short Version: Hugh ran into a fence post and gashed his face open. AGAIN.

Long version: Last night, I was sitting on the couch enjoying a nice salad and waiting for the pork roast -which I had so lovingly prepared for my well-deserving family- to come out of the oven. Hugh was playing softball and I had the roast timed down to the second-I was certain that it would be neither too dry nor under-cooked once Hugh got home. The phone rang and one of Hugh’s teammates informed me that Hugh had injured himself and would need to be taken to the emergency room for stitches. AGAIN (third time in four months, people).

Now, I consider myself to be a warm and loving wife, willing to sacrifice anything and everything for the comfort of my family but, I must confess; I totally finished my salad and tended to that roast before I left to pick up my poor bleeding (due to his own stupidity) husband.

See? Warm and loving, that's me.

But, honest to God, third time in four months, people!

Anywaaay....once I finally arrived, I assessed the situation (small- but deep- gash right between the eyes, small gash on the bride of the nose, bleeding mostly stanched, pupils normal, patient no more-or less- confused than normal and; off to the hospital we went.

Jana, who is a saint, volunteered to stay with the kids while Hugh got stitched up and I kept them updated during the wait in the emergency room (ok, she kept me updated on the season finale of Gray’s Anatomy. What? I really wanted to watch it, do not judge me!), thirteen stitches and two hours later; we were on our way home.

To recap: Hugh has a nice scar to add to his rapidly growing collection, the good folks at Aflac will, no doubt, hold an emergency meeting to determine whether or not the program is still cost effective given that one idiot in Colorado who keeps jacking himself up and sending in the proper claim forms, I will have to catch the Gray’s episode on the internet and my goddamned pork was dry as a bone by the time I finally got to eat it.

All because my husband had to be a hero and ran into a fence post while diving for a freaking softball.

All things considered, it is far more entertaining to tell people that my honor student beat up his father, don’t you agree?


  1. Poor Hugh! And congrats to Man-Cub!

  2. I didn't realize kids could run that fast for that long. That's crazy! I am in my second week of couch potato to 5k runner. Maybe one day I will be as good as the Cub.