Tuesday, August 05, 2008

I Had a Dream

A nightmare woke me from a deep sleep last night. It was the same nightmare that I have almost every year following Stampede. In the dream, I am being chased down Main street by an evil soul-sucking demon named Smokin’ Charlie. Yes, Smokin’ Charlie. Sure, the name sounds harmless enough, right? I mean, anyone actually named Smokin’ Charlie must be a hell of a guy; everyone’s favorite uncle or something.

Even worse? My Smokin’ Charlie is a parade float. A parade float created by Shriners.

I know! How could an innocent float created by an altruistic group be in any way nightmare inducing? Well, you tell me.

See? Cah-reeepy. Especially when you take into consideration that the giant head swivels from side to side while the eyeballs roll around in cadence with what can only be described as maniacal laughter issuing forth from the belly of the beats.

And he actually smokes that cigar.

How could you not have nightmares? On the other hand, I bet he’s highly successful at convincing kids not to smoke so, score one for the Shriners. I guess.

On a related topic (it is, I swear it is; it just might take me a minute to get there), Hugh mowed the grass in the backyard for the first time last night and, to say that it made him happy would be a vast understatement. Delighted might apply. Beside himself with joy would work. Orgasmic most closely nails it.

And, not only did he mow the lawn, he used the push mower. The push mower, when we have a perfectly good riding mower; his need to be One with the grass was just that overwhelming.

Every time he made a pass by the kitchen window, he would smile and wave and yell "I'm cutting my grass!" which was cute the first twenty times but kind of annoying, thereafter. "Look, I'm cutting my grass!" Seventy billion times.

Which totally explains why, when I finally made my escape from Smokin' Charlie, I was riding a lawn mower.

My brain is a dark and twisty place.


  1. All I can say is that made me laugh out loud!!!

  2. I envy you. You can acutally have a deep sleep?