Thursday, August 04, 2011

An Open Letter to an Unknown Jackass

Dear Unknown (for now) Jackass(es) who threw a rock through the window of The Teenager's new car while on a spray-painting spree around Petticoat Junction last night:

How stupid are you? Wait, don't answer that; you would have to be pretty damn stupid to throw a rock through the window of a car belonging to a policeman, especially a policeman as doggedly determined to solve every crime that comes his way, no matter how long it takes, as is my husband.

Pretty damn stupid, indeed.

Also, committing your crimes immediately following a torrential downpour that left half the town covered in a fine film of mud, well, that was especially stupid; your size twelve shoe prints just provided that doggedly determined policeman with his first clue as to your identity.

Factor in the small size of the town, the fact that kids like to talk and the additional fact that there is a relatively small pool of wanna-be thugs living amongst us and; I'd say you will be outed in less time than it takes my neighbors to scrub your "gang signs" off their fences.

Granted, once my husband and his co-workers find you (and, they will, oh yes, they will), you will claim innocence by virtue of circumstance; you are from a poor family, your parents are addicts, you never learned any better, etc., etc., etc. Well, guess what? The judges in this area don't care about your circumstances, in fact; they have arrived at the conclusion that overlooking your misdeeds due to your pathetic excuse for a homelife is no longer a practice that is in the best interest of the citizens of our community, in short; they are eager to impose the maximum sentence available to them for your crimes.

I hope you make friends in Juvie.

Really, really good friends, if you catch my drift.

Yours truly,
The woman whose husband is going to track you down and throw your pathetic, jealous, lazy, ignorant, loser-ass in jail.

3 comments:

tamara said...

Holy crap! That was a rather large rock! I just don't understand why kids do this sort of stuff. Why don't they just steal street signs a TP yards??? Just don't get it...

Brian @ Altering Habits said...

I pity the fool . . .

Mary said...

That is awful! Can't wait for you hubby to catch their butts.