Tuesday, July 08, 2014

I Still Have Time!

I was listening to a radio show this morning and the DJs were discussing the results of a survey that asked Americans to pinpoint the age at which certain activities should cease; while I have "aged out" in certain categories, I am pleased to report that I am still in the running in several:

1.  Age at which a woman* should stop wearing a bikini: 47...ok, at 45, I still have two years in which to rock the two-piece. Or, like Helen Mirren, I can rock it into my late 60's; it all depends on my lifestyle and fitness level.



2.  Age at which a woman* should stop wearing a miniskirt: 35...wha? I wear miniskirts several times a week throughout the summer. And, granted, they aren't micro-minis, but still. This "rule" sucks donkey balls.

3.  Age at which a woman* should stop wearing a boob tube: 33... Dude, please. These C cups haven't seen a boob tube since the summer between sixth and seventh grade, not because my boobs aren't great (they are), but because I am a lady and boob tubes belong in the trailer park.

4.  Age at which a woman* should stop wearing knee high boots: 47... Whew! I still have time to break in the thigh-high riding boots that I got on clearance this spring. That would have been a sad waste of $29.99.

5.  Age at which a woman* should stop wearing leggings...45. What the fuck am I supposed to wear with my knee-high boots when I'm 46? Bad rule!

6.  Age at which women* should stop piercing their navels: 35... I just slipped under that one when I had mine pierced at age 30. Lucky me. Although, if I had another navel to pierce, I would do it now, just to thumb my nose at that "rule".

7.  Age at which a woman* should stop wearing long hair: 53... This surprised me, actually. But, only because it was followed by #8...

8.  Age at which a woman* should stop wearing a ponytail: 51... WTF? How can I be expected to still have long hair until I am 53 and not wear a pony? That's just ridiculous.

9.  Age at which women* should stop wearing stilettoes: 51...Right before they trade them in for a walker, I'm guessing.

The survey was interesting, but, I think it lacked one important question: At what age should  women stop allowing stupid surveys to dictate what they wear and when they wear it?

Answer: Birth.

*No data available on when a man should stop doing this. Because that would be an entirely different survey.

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