Homecoming 2016, Day Four

When I left off with the Homecoming updates, it was Thursday and I was on my way to the school to tie the Man-Cub's toga; that mission went without a hitch and I am now completely confident when I say: I am the Toga-Tying Queen of the Universe. In addition to the Cub's toga, I fashioned sheets into modest attire for three other young men and two young women. They all looked marvelous and I left the school feeling more than a little smug. Going to a toga party? Need an assist getting your Greek on? Call me, I'll set you up right.

In other news of a smug nature, later that day, I hosted the football team dinner, where I single-handedly served a Mexican buffet to 39 hungry teenagers.

That's also a total lie; I did not do it on my own, like at all. Thank God for my mom, who has been here all week, helping to run my household while I race around like a crazy Homecoming-obsessed fool; she clocked in more time on her feet in the kitchen than a woman of her station in life should ever be subjected to, and I appreciate her for it.

I also had the help of one of the underclassman parents, who happens to be an old friend; I got to catch up with her as well as benefitting from her mad kitchen cleaning skilz and that was both appreciated and awesome.

When all was said and done, the boys had powered through seven pounds of taco meat, eighty-some flour tortillas, three large boxes of hard taco shells, six cans of refried beans, a huge pot of chili, three bags of Frito chips, seven chopped tomatoes, two heads of lettuce, a ginormous bag of shredded cheese, a container of sour cream, a container of salsa, a bottle of taco sauce, and a birthday-slash-Homecoming cake. And, they did it in under an hour, when they raced off to cheer on the volleyball girls. I've compared them to a horde of locusts before, and, they did nothing to spare themselves the comparison this time. Locusts! But, cuter, and, with better manners.

When I started this post, I intended to include the festivities from Day Five, but, this is already getting crazy-long, so I will wrap it up and follow up with another post later today.

I'm sure you are on the edge of your seat; try to hang on.

Eighteen! Wait, WHAT?!

Today, the Man-Cub turns eighteen.

I'll let that sink in for a minute.

Eighteen.

He's old enough to vote. He has to register for the draft. He can legally decide for himself most of life's important decisions. Who the hell let this happen?

He's still my baby. He still relies on me to wash his socks (although, he knows how to do it; I'm not raising a caveman, here). I don't know that I'm ready to be the parent of another adult; this is a very challenging time for me.

What's that you say? It's not about me? You would be correct; it's about a young man with a winning smile, pleasing personality, intelligence that rivals most well-known geniuses of our time (I may be exaggerating a tad, here), a heart as big as Texas (Not exaggerating, I swear), and a sense of humor that keeps the people around him in stitches.

I am so, so proud of the adult that I am about to unleash on the world. I just can't believe it happened so fast.

Love you to pieces, Man-Cub.

Homecoming 2016, Days Two and Three

I never did get a picture of the Man-Cub in his tutu; rumor has it that one exists, somewhere in the universe, but, not for this momma.

I did, however, get ample pictures of the child in his Color Wars get-up; that wasn't hard to do, considering that the Senior's assigned color was black and, black is practically the Man-Cub's signature color.

In addition to Color Wars, yesterday was the annual Powder Puff Football game; I attended with my camera at the ready and the kids did not disappoint; I got a plethora of great pictures as the Senior/Sophomore team marched to a 14-7 victory over the Junior/Freshman team.

Somewhat disappointing was the rest of humanity, who exhibited a sadly entitled attitude toward the complimentary pulled pork sandwich dinner that the Boosters provided; the contributions to our donation jar were paltry, but the food was snarfed down with wild abandon. Manners have clearly gone the way of the dinosaurs and I'm not sure why we continue to give people the opportunity to disappoint.

In happier news, today is toga day and the Cub has asked me to come to the school to help him tie his sheet into something resembling Greek attire. I'm flattered that he thinks I am capable of such a feat, and, between you and me, I have been studying YouTube videos like I'm cramming for the MCAT or something.

Tonight, I will host the football team dinner, and, then, I am planning an early bedtime. I would fear that I am getting too old for this Homecoming nonsense, but my mom seems to be holding up just fine, so, maybe I am just lazy.

Either way, I could use a nap and it's only 6:32 a.m.

Homecoming 2016, Day One

When the Cub told me that yesterday's Homecoming costume theme was America, I was a bit confused; America what? Should he dress like the Statue of Liberty? Uncle Sam? We didn't have a lot of time to scramble for something that ambitious, so, instead, the Cub cobbled together a patriotic get-up from items in his closet, my closet, my 4th of July party supplies, and the craft drawer.


The end result was an outfit suitable for the tailgate pre-party at a professional football game, but, the Cub was happy.

In other Homecoming news, the kids spent several hours Sunday night tagging the school windows and street that runs parallel to the school. This is a tradition endorsed by the school and local law enforcement and it always ends up in a colorful explosion of self-expression that lasts well into the school year until finally succumbing to the weather.

Not to be outdone, I commissioned a local folk artist to paint the windows at the hardware store. I think it turned out pretty well and I assured Hugh that the clean-up will be dealt with way sooner than the street graffiti once Homecoming is over. I guess in this case, "I don't do windows" does not apply.

The costume theme for today is almost more baffling than yesterday's: Tutus, Tough Guys, and Tacos. The Cub has a tutu but I have no idea what he is planning and I need to get into the office early, so, I will have to rely on him to take some pictures of whatever he and his friends come up with. I am not optimistic.

Deck the Halls With Tons of Spirit, Fa,La,La,La,La,La,La,La,La!

Yesterday, I met up with the Booster moms to decorate the school hallways for Homecoming. This is always one of my favorite annual activities, and, since this will be my last opportunity to participate (sadness!), I made the absolute most of it.


Several of us are the mothers of Senior football players, so we got together to work on their lockers. We also decorated for the boys whose mothers were unable to be there to decorate for their kid, so, we  ended up with a pretty cool display.

The kids aren't allowed at the school when we are working on the hallways, so they will be completely surprised this morning, when they see them for the first time. I hope they approve.

Kids who previously attended the school are totally allowed to participate, so, QB joined me to work on her brother's locker, as well as decorating the locker of the daughter of friends of ours, who recently transferred to the school.

The hallways took a bit longer to decorate than the lockers; we were minus a ladder, which, slowed things down considerably, but, we managed. We also had more help than we have had in years past, and, more parents showed up to decorate their kids' lockers, which, we attributed to the posts that we made on the Booster Club's Facebook page.

When all was said and done, the school looked great! We are well on the way to celebrating Homecoming.

For the last time.

Oh come on, it's not like you didn't see that coming.

Homecoming Week Hasn't Officially Started and Already I'm Beat

I've been remiss in writing because I have been running around like Speedy Gonzales on crack; I don't know who pushed the Warp Speed button on my life when I wasn't paying attention but that will certainly teach me to look away.

As an aside, how racist was it to give a cartoon mouse a Mexican accent and a sneaky disposition? I'll be the first to say that the whole PC nonsense in this country has gone a bit too far, but, in Speedy's case, not so much.

And, I digress.

So, why so busy Chelle?

I'm glad you asked.

Since I last wrote, I have traveled to Mayberry to attend a football game in a town about an hour south of the town; we recently changed leagues and this is the first time that we have played at that particular school. It is also the farthest road trip on this season's schedule, which makes for a nice change from last year.

Anyway, I got to make the drive over the mountain, which is in it's autumn glory like, holy cow! Gorgeous! And, the Cub and I got to spend the night with mom after the game, which was also nice. It goes without saying that the ass kicking the boys handed the opposing team was a pleasure to watch, but I hate to be a bragger, so I won't elaborate (they kicked ASS! HARD!).

Then, yesterday, I raced home just in time to host a work party for the Boosters; we made spirit sticks for 39 football parents, 31 volleyball parents, and 6 cheerleader parents for this week's Homecoming festivities. Then the senior moms stuck around to make locker decorations for our boys. It was midnight before I got to bed, but we accomplished everything that we needed to.

Today, I will join those same women at the high school, where we will decorate the halls for the big week. I also need to go to the hardware store to make sure that the front windows were cleaned (like I asked) for the window painter, who comes tomorrow to paint a  Homecoming mural for me.

I already know that the rest of the week will be a blur, but, as this is my last Homecoming, I am going to squeeze every bit of enjoyment out of it that I can. Posts may be sporadic. Or, I might inundate you; it's hard telling. Either way, it's going to be exhausting.

Bring it on!

This Will Only Make Sense to You if You Are Female

Remember, back when you were a young girl? Did you ever have a crush on a guy just to discover that your best friend (or, your not-so-best-friend, but, you ran in the same social circle so you had to act like you were BFFs, like 4ever) had a crush on the same guy?! Remember how much drama and angst you went through in an attempt to stake your claim on the boy while trying to maintain your friendship even though, behind the scenes you were totally trying to convince all the other girls that your friend had cooties or something? And, then, you came to the realization that the guy didn't seem that into either of you, so, you joined forces to punish him for having the audacity to ignore you both? Like, he totally acted like he didn't even know you existed? Like, how was that even a possibility? And, then, eventually you both moved on to the next cute young thang, just to have it happen all over again?

Yes?

What would you say if I told you that an empirical study of a similar situation, which I observed first-hand recently, indicates that there is a high probability that the heartless guy(s) in question really, truly didn't actually know that you, or your friend liked him? He likewise didn't know that the two of you were fighting over the rights to him, nor did he clue in to the fact that you were both miffed at what you assumed was his callus dismissal of your affections.

It's true, ladies; that guy really was clueless about the situation. In fact, all these years later, he's probably still confused about why you and your bestie were such bitches to him that one time in Home Room (don't worry, he just naturally assumes you were on your periods), and, if you told him today, that you had been all about him back then, he would probably laugh and think you were trying to make him feel less self-conscious about the extra pounds he has packed on or the extra real estate he has developed along the hairline.

I know you're surprised, hell, I was just as shocked as you are to learn all this. And, I know there are skeptics among you, but, I'm here to attest: boys really are that clueless. I've seen it play out in front of me like a documentary and, I must confess that I have enjoyed the program.

It's like Mutual of Omaha presents Males in the Wild, the Clueless Teenager Edition.

And it is awesome!


P.S. If the Man-Cub asks, you totally read this on some other mother's blog, m'kay? Thanks!