Thursday, September 15, 2016

This Will Only Make Sense to You if You Are Female

Remember, back when you were a young girl? Did you ever have a crush on a guy just to discover that your best friend (or, your not-so-best-friend, but, you ran in the same social circle so you had to act like you were BFFs, like 4ever) had a crush on the same guy?! Remember how much drama and angst you went through in an attempt to stake your claim on the boy while trying to maintain your friendship even though, behind the scenes you were totally trying to convince all the other girls that your friend had cooties or something? And, then, you came to the realization that the guy didn't seem that into either of you, so, you joined forces to punish him for having the audacity to ignore you both? Like, he totally acted like he didn't even know you existed? Like, how was that even a possibility? And, then, eventually you both moved on to the next cute young thang, just to have it happen all over again?

Yes?

What would you say if I told you that an empirical study of a similar situation, which I observed first-hand recently, indicates that there is a high probability that the heartless guy(s) in question really, truly didn't actually know that you, or your friend liked him? He likewise didn't know that the two of you were fighting over the rights to him, nor did he clue in to the fact that you were both miffed at what you assumed was his callus dismissal of your affections.

It's true, ladies; that guy really was clueless about the situation. In fact, all these years later, he's probably still confused about why you and your bestie were such bitches to him that one time in Home Room (don't worry, he just naturally assumes you were on your periods), and, if you told him today, that you had been all about him back then, he would probably laugh and think you were trying to make him feel less self-conscious about the extra pounds he has packed on or the extra real estate he has developed along the hairline.

I know you're surprised, hell, I was just as shocked as you are to learn all this. And, I know there are skeptics among you, but, I'm here to attest: boys really are that clueless. I've seen it play out in front of me like a documentary and, I must confess that I have enjoyed the program.

It's like Mutual of Omaha presents Males in the Wild, the Clueless Teenager Edition.

And it is awesome!


P.S. If the Man-Cub asks, you totally read this on some other mother's blog, m'kay? Thanks!


1 comment:

bikinfool said...

If said females never tell the target of their affections that he is indeed "the one", (I mean tell, like with words or, these days texts or something), the target will be clueless. Females communicate with osmosis, pheromones, body language, or saying the exact opposite of what they really mean and expect us poor males to know wtf is going on. 35, no - 36 years of marriage later, my spousal unit still thinks I can read her mind. Or at least expects me to. Never did develop that skill.