Monday, April 27, 2009

I Can Feel It Coming In the Air Tonight

Its allergies and they are kicking my ass. Honestly, I can’t remember being this sensitive to pollens and weeds and dander since I was a small child when I would wake up with my eyes matted completely shut.

I’m not quite there yet-my eyes have only been matting half-way shut but, you get the idea.

I read somewhere that adults are becoming more prone to seasonal allergies because the pollens are mutating into stronger versions of themselves in order to compete with all the toxins and crap that humans have polluted the air with and, that makes sense to me; it scares the ever-loving shit out of me but, it makes sense.

Speaking of things that scare the shit out of me; swine flu, anyone? Seriously? I heard that it causes its victims to grow a snout and a wee curly tail-stuff that nightmares are made of.

Speaking of pigs (would you look at that segue); the children spent the weekend at the cabin with Jana, leaving Hugh and me ample time to catch up on the million-and-ten chores that we had to do around the house, 0ne of which was the annual cleaning of the garage and, can I just say; my children hoard the weirdest shit imaginable in that space.

Every year it’s like an excursion to the center of the Dirty Universe; old sneakers, jars of bug corpses, boxes of dried-up worms, random buckets of dirt that must have housed creatures of some type at one time or another, and, my personal Favorite Thing to Find in the garage; mud-crusted socks.

Of course, I’m blaming the majority of our discoveries on the Man-Cub since the Teenager hasn’t been in the business of collecting insects for at least a year, now but; we did find a number of jump ropes missing handles, deflated volleyballs, a handful of press-on nails and an entire trash bag full of outgrown socks, granted, they were mud-free but; what is up with my kids and socks in the garage?

The world may never know.

Anyway, aside from cleaning out the garage, we (I) also managed to clean the house, install the screen door on the front porch (Hugh, obviously), fertilize the lawn and, in the happiest of all accomplishments-to haul off the very last of the remodeling debris that had been stacked in the yard for the past….one, two, six, carry the eight…um, four years or so (Sanford & Son had nothing on us).

Then, before the allergies really kicked in and had their way with us, we went out to dinner and caught up on our Netflix queue.

The moral of which story is; if you don’t already have a friend who is willing to spirit your children away for a weekend of fun so that you can clean up after them; you should totally get one.

Also, I owe Jana, big time.

Hmm, I wonder if she would take a box of over-the-counter antihistamines as payment; I’m pretty well stocked up on them, myself.

Now, if I can just get my hands on some Tamiflu….

3 comments:

desperate housewife said...

Hoo boy do we need to clean out our garage. And fertilize our lawn. And buy a new effing lawn mower, since both of ours appear to be broken and we had to hire someone to do it this week. Yuck. Spring cleaning.
Also, my allergies are kicking in too. But I always forget to take medicine until AFTER I'm sneezing and dripping snot everywhere.

Erika said...

We cleaned our garage this weekend as well. Larry should get a new car more often! So much gets done around the house.

Banteringblonde said...

My allergies have gotten worse as I get older ... I don't want to talk about my garage! Swine flu - not sure if I'm concerned but I have had some thoughts but I'm going to blog them so i won't bore ya here!