Thursday Thirteen, Edition Eleven:
Thirteen Ouch Moments
1. Yesterday, we took The Teenager for her first consultation with the orthodontist. She needs to have four teeth pulled before they will even think about putting braces on her. Four.
2. The braces are going to cost $5000. Five thousand dollars.
3. After tiring of Rowdie’s insistence on humping every new person he meets, Monday; we took him to the vet and had him fixed. Yep, snipped those suckers right off. If his baleful expression of woe is any indication; we totally hurt his pride, if not his body.
4. In an effort to regain some control over my rapidly expanding girth, I recently started working out again. Long-time readers will realize that this heralds the return of The Exercise Induced Tourettes. Shit!ouch!motherfuck!damn!
5. We just got the bill from the Man-Cub’s recent appendectomy. Thank God for insurance but, still, ouch.
6. Hugh has been suffering from a virus related to the virus that causes Shingles and he is in some major pain. Which makes him a major pain, as all you wimmens out there will understand.
7. School starts next Wednesday. The children are going to have to start getting out of bed early and shit. My head hurts just thinking about the struggle ahead.
8. Speaking of school starting, this weekend we are headed to Neighboring City to do our school-clothes shopping. I don’t even want to think about how much that’s going to cost but, suffice it to say; I have an arm and a leg picked out already.
9. My older sister and my niece were in a car accident the day before yesterday. My sister’s beloved Mustang was damaged pretty badly but, luckily, my sister and my niece were able to walk away.
10. My hair stylist-the stylist I have used for the past ten years-is moving away. Granted, we have recently had a few not-so-great hair moments between us, due to her tendency to get carried away with the scissors while venting to me about all the troubles she has been having with her teenage son but, still; now I have to find a new stylist. That’s worse than having to start dating again or, so I’ve heard.
11. Last night, the Man-Cub stubbed his pinky toe three times in the space of an hour. On different objects in different rooms. The toe is currently the biggest toe on his foot, thanks to the swelling. I’m fairly confident that it isn’t broken but, there is no way I am taking him to the doctor to find out, see above: Hospital bills, orthodontist bills, vet bills back-to-school shopping, inevitable bill for therapy once the search for a stylist is underway.
12. While straightening my hair this morning, I accidentally burned my neck with the flat iron. Now I have a hickey and I didn’t even get to have any fun.
13. I just burned my tongue on my coffee.
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