Monday, January 18, 2010

Drama, Tears, and Vomit. You Know, the Usual

Our weekend was chockfull o’ drama for the Man-Cub, poor kid.

First, he endured what I will forever refer to as The Incident at Target. The Incident consisted of him accidentally managing to let a check-out stand conveyor belt eat a $25 Visa gift card that he had received for Christmas.

We were waiting at the check-out to purchase some other items, including a video game the Cub had picked out, when somehow, and I’m still not entirely clear on the specifics; the card slipped under the metal plate at the end of the belt. The Cub immediately went into panic mode which probably wasn’t helped by my unsympathetic proclamation of “Well. You’re screwed”.

Tears ensued.

In my defense, you’ve all seen those checkout stands; there was no way in hell to retrieve the card and, as a mother, I felt that facing the disappointment would be a valuable lesson for the Cub.

The Cub, however, disagreed and insisted upon asking someone for help (what? Ask someone for help? What a novel approach!). He chose a grandmotherly type cashier who was moved by the tears, the pouty -lip, the puppy-dog eyes and the histrionics enough to call a manager who listened intently to the Cub’s story and declared “Son, you give me fifteen minutes and a screwdriver and I. will. Get. That. Card.”

And, fifteen minutes, a screwdriver and a claw-like gizmo on a stick later; he did just that.

So, in the end, it was I who learned a valuable lesson; never hesitate to ask for help. And, never underestimate the power of the pouty-lip.

With that drama behind us, I expected smooth sailing through the remainder of the weekend and, as per usual, I was wrong. How wrong came fully into focus at 3:00 this morning when the Cub appeared at my bedside to inform me that he had puked on his pillow.

And, by puked on his pillow, he really meant he had projectile vomited all over his bedroom, exorcist-style and; if you don’t think cleaning up a mess like that at 3:00 in the morning is a challenge, well, then, where the hell were you at 3:00 this morning because I could have used your help.

Luckily, the kids are out of school today so, the Cub can stay home and recuperate without screwing up his run at another Perfect Attendance award and, The Teenager can feed him ice chips and warm 7-Up while I toil away at the store because we are short-handed and I really don’t have a choice.

Also, there is no vomit there.

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