Friday, February 26, 2010

I Feel Shitty, Sung to the Tune of I Feel Pretty from the Musical West Side Story

I feel shitty, oh so shitty! So shitty and awful and baaaad

I have a chest cold which, in a chest as large as mine, is a pretty rotten thing. I have a sore throat, am coughing up large pieces of what I am hoping is phlegm but, in all honesty, could be the lining of my lungs and; the fluid in my chest actually bubbles when I take in a deep breath. The skin around my nose is raw and chaffed from blowing and my eyes are glassy and gummy at the same time.

I am a biological freak show. And, pretty. Oh, so pretty.

And, probably contagious which means that I should do our employees a favor by staying away from them for the duration of my illness; preferably on a tropical island with a drink in my hand, a drink served in a hollowed-out coconut with a colorful umbrella.

Or, you know; I could make a comfy little spot on the couch and drink Theraflu from a mug with a chipped rim. Either way.

Unfortunately, neither scenario will work out for me today because I have work to do at the store. Tomorrow isn't looking too good for rest and recuperation either; the Man-Cub has his first wrestling tournament and my pee-wee wrestler wrangling skills are required.

So, I will just have to pull on my big girl panties and deal with it, starting with an hour and a half massage later this afternoon, a shot of Nyquil prior to bedtime tonight and some Baileys in my coffee tomorrow morning.

So, yeah, I feel shitty, oh so shitty! So shitty and awful and baaad

Also, I cannot carry a tune when I’m healthy so, you can imagine how badly I am singing now.

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