Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I Be Smart

Last night, while cleaning out the dishwasher, I managed to pinch my pinkie finger in between two plates hard enough to bring tears to my eyes and I thought to myself; “Self, that’s going to leave a mark”.

This morning, I spent a good thirty seconds in the shower, trying to wash a suspicious black smudge off my pinkie while wondering what the hell? Where did I get ink on my finger? I look like I have been fingerprinted. Ha! That would be totally funny! Well, Hugh might not find it funny but, ha! What would the neighbors think?

This is when my Self chimed in, rather tersely, with “It’s a bruise, dumbass.”

Which just goes to show; doing dishes is hazardous to your phalanges. Which totally means fingers and, who is the dumbass, now, Self? Huh?

That's what I thought.

I was feeling pretty good about that witty little come-back until, as I was typing this, I noticed that the computer screen kept getting really blurry when I looked at it from a particular angle. I immediately consulted Dr. Google who led me to understand that I was either having a stroke or losing the sight in my right eye. Since I didn’t smell burning toast which, Dr. Google assures me, is a symptom of stroke, I deduced that I was, indeed losing my sight.

Which is when my Self chimed in with a fantastic piece of advice, I believe her exact words were “Clean your glasses, dumbass.”

And I was HEALED! Thankyoulordjesus!

The people at MENSA will be so relieved.


Erika said...

That was pretty humorous, Self.

Brian said...

You're not alone in that smart department!

I spent 10 minutes looking for my car keys one day. Finally found them in a mirror, dangling from my mouth, where I was 'temporarily' holding them while I tied my shoes. Yes, I R smrat too!