Monday, May 04, 2009

What Fresh Hell is This?

I recently started Level 3 of Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred and I want to die.

Levels 1 and 2 made me feel strong and proud; I could get through a workout without crying real tears and I was starting to see something that may-or may not-have been stomach muscles, on my stomach, like, where stomach muscles should be.

Level 3 just makes me want to strangle baby monkeys.

Or, you know, Jillian Michaels' slender little throat.

For one thing, the bitch expects me to jump.

In the air.

What. The. Fuck?

She also expects me to perform these traveling push-ups, or, as I like to refer to them-Salutations to the Devil (AKA: one Jillian Michaels) and, I totally suck at them. They make my arms hurt and, before you tell me that they are supposed to make my arms hurt, please remind yourself that I want to strangle baby monkeys.

And, I totally would but my arms are too sore.

At this point, all I can do is thank God that there is no Level 4.

Jillian: You don't get arms like this by wussing out on the traveling push-ups, wimpy.

Chelle: Shut up, Michaels.


  1. ooooohhhhhh, so that's what I have to look forward too. I did level 2 last week and wanted to weep. I haven't even thought about level 3. I got on the treadmill today because I just couldn't face her.

  2. Ok, I really do have to do this ... i keep saying this but really, I do need to do this. I'm inspired, really, I am!

  3. I want to strangle Jillian and I've never done any of her workouts. But baby monkeys? Really? Don't take it out on the monkeys! :)

  4. I feel the need to find out what these traveling pushups are in a sadistic, my poor body will kill me way!