Thursday Thirteen, Edition 4:
Thirteen Google Search Terms Leading to This Blog
1. Miss Congeniality Blog. Ok, this makes sense but hang on folks, they only get weirder from here.
2. Tooth Fairy Letterhead. I get this A LOT. No doubt, it is a term used by frantic mothers the world over, searching for a believable way to print out a letter of apology from the Tooth Fairy... Dear Little Billy, sorry I missed your house last night but the traffic over Tokyo was simply dreadful…I know of what I speak, having originally created the letterhead for a very similar purpose. As an aside, I still totally suck at being the Tooth Fairy.
3. Jake Gyllenhaal. I’m assuming people ended up here because I casually mentioned the fact that my college roommates and I, while being not very attracted to Mr. Gyllenhaal, would not kick him out of the bed. You know, assuming he ever gave any of us the time of day which, if he did, my money would be on my girlfriend, Reese, who looks just like Reese Witherspoon.
4. Plantar fasciitis digging with a shovel? I’m guessing the poor soul who Googled this was asking if one could get plantar fasciitis from digging with a shovel and; I have no idea. I got mine from wearing high heels for too long and from working out in improper shoes so, unlucky searcher, I guess if you were wearing heels while digging with that shovel than, yes, yes you can get plantar fasciitis from digging with a shovel. I hope you find a very nice orthopedics guy and the two of you work this out.
5. What is elaphantigo? Ha! I wrote about elephantigo once and I cannot begin to tell you how many searches have brought people to that post, hundreds, poor souls. I mean, I hope they were just curious and not suffering from symptoms or something. That would be just awful.
6. Redneck girl Chelle. Okaaay…I don’t consider myself a redneck. I mean, I don’t eat squirrel or sleep with my cousins. No offense to anyone reading this who does eat squirrel (I'm sure it's delicious. Tastes like chicken, right?) or sleep with their cousin (I'm sure he/she is lovely).
7. Bleacher butt. Finally, a condition I can relate to! Yes, I know bleacher butt, I suffer from it from February through November while the Man-Cub engages in wrestling, followed by baseball, followed by football and; I have one bit of advice: cushions. They can make or break your will to live.
8. Mother daughter activity. Well, here’s a hard one; generally the activity the Teenager and I engage in together most often is arguing and, I’m guessing; that wasn’t exactly what the searcher was going for. You might try going together to have your eyebrows waxed, followed by mani/pedis and a Starbucks run. Or, there is always a trip to the male strip club to consider. Just a suggestion.
9. Jackson, Mississippi parenting. I live in Colorado where I do all my “parenting” and cannot for the life of me figure out why this particular search would have ended up here. I can’t recall ever talking about Jackson, Mississippi, I’ve never been to Mississippi and the closest I have ever come to it is spelling it correctly in a spelling bee in the second grade.
10. Jana Harrison Boy Scout. Ok, even I am all WTF? on this one. No idea, whatsoever. I do, however, hope that Jana Harrison makes one hell of a fine Boy Scout, you go, girl!
11. Opi, Howdy Honey. Yes, I own Howdy Honey. No, I am not willing to part with it if that’s what you were hoping for. Try eBay.
12. Coffee porch. Well, I do talk about my porch an awful lot….makes sense, I guess.
13. Boys underwear. Move along, perverts, nothing to see here.
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