Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Will Someone Please Tell Me What the Hell is Up With My Boobs?

I know I’ve gained a bit of weight compared to my glory days, that’s the price we pay for the privilege of growing old, but, seriously; did it all have to go to my chest?

Currently, I am hauling around a rack reminiscent of my post-natal days-humongous, painful and terrifying to behold and, while I realize that hormones, lifestyle, my advancing age and the inability to exercise at the intensity that I used to be able to exercise at are all having a cumulative effect on my body; I don’t have to be happy about it.

And, lest you are one of those people who think that hauling around a huge rack is a good thing, please consider the fashion ramifications; nothing I own fits me without a) pulling across the chestal region, b) showing waaay more cleavage than I am comfortable with, or c) creating a uniboob straight across my chest which trust me, is not a look that any sane person strives to achieve.

I am beginning to fear that a trip to the bra store is in order and that I am going to have to submit to actual measurement of the area for fitting purposes; being groped by a gum-chewing teeny bopper in the dressing room at Victoria’s Secret is so not the way I want to spend my free time.

I could be eating a donut and encouraging my ass to catch up with my boobs which, is going to have to happen eventually or, I am going to topple over under the sheer weight of them.
And, that's not me being paranoid, that's physics, people.


  1. I would opt for a department store measurement than VS. Rather an old lady feel you up than a skinny minny teen! And yes, I feel your pain! Why do you think I had a reduction?

  2. Ahem... there are some of us that paid good money (that they should have applied to the reduction of personal debt) to increase their bust size. So I say get a good sports bra and be grateful for what you've got. Besides, I am sure they look great in a bikini top - and if your boobs look great, most sets of eyes stop there and don't even bother to look at your hips or thighs.

  3. Getting measured at VS isn't as big of a deal as I thought it would be. They measure you over your clothes and it's right under your boobs. No fondling. :)

  4. I'll take a wee bit of that rack. Mine shriveled up after nursing and I'm unbalanced the other way. ;)