Wednesday, July 08, 2009


Will Someone Please Tell Me What the Hell is Up With My Boobs?

I know I’ve gained a bit of weight compared to my glory days, that’s the price we pay for the privilege of growing old, but, seriously; did it all have to go to my chest?


Currently, I am hauling around a rack reminiscent of my post-natal days-humongous, painful and terrifying to behold and, while I realize that hormones, lifestyle, my advancing age and the inability to exercise at the intensity that I used to be able to exercise at are all having a cumulative effect on my body; I don’t have to be happy about it.

And, lest you are one of those people who think that hauling around a huge rack is a good thing, please consider the fashion ramifications; nothing I own fits me without a) pulling across the chestal region, b) showing waaay more cleavage than I am comfortable with, or c) creating a uniboob straight across my chest which trust me, is not a look that any sane person strives to achieve.

I am beginning to fear that a trip to the bra store is in order and that I am going to have to submit to actual measurement of the area for fitting purposes; being groped by a gum-chewing teeny bopper in the dressing room at Victoria’s Secret is so not the way I want to spend my free time.

I could be eating a donut and encouraging my ass to catch up with my boobs which, is going to have to happen eventually or, I am going to topple over under the sheer weight of them.
And, that's not me being paranoid, that's physics, people.

4 comments:

  1. I would opt for a department store measurement than VS. Rather an old lady feel you up than a skinny minny teen! And yes, I feel your pain! Why do you think I had a reduction?

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  2. Ahem... there are some of us that paid good money (that they should have applied to the reduction of personal debt) to increase their bust size. So I say get a good sports bra and be grateful for what you've got. Besides, I am sure they look great in a bikini top - and if your boobs look great, most sets of eyes stop there and don't even bother to look at your hips or thighs.

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  3. Getting measured at VS isn't as big of a deal as I thought it would be. They measure you over your clothes and it's right under your boobs. No fondling. :)

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  4. I'll take a wee bit of that rack. Mine shriveled up after nursing and I'm unbalanced the other way. ;)

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