Monday, March 21, 2011

You Have to be Really Talented to Pull a Muscle in Your Sleep

Which means I am super talented because I pulled two and, while I couldn’t tell you what kind of ninja kung-fu moves I was doing at the time, I can tell you that the resulting pulls hurt like a sumbitch and that this all occurred at precisely 2:53 a.m. because, that is when I woke up wailing from the pain.

It should be noted that Hugh slept through the whole thing, much like he slept through each and every midnight feeding, diaper change, stealth mission by the Tooth Fairy, and Barf-Fests circa 2000-2007. He’s a deep sleeper, that one.

Today, I am favoring the inner thigh of my left leg and the muscle that runs up the left side of my back from the butt cheek to the shoulder blade at least, I think it’s all one muscle, I’m not sure; anatomy class was many moons ago and I’m pretty sure I got a C.

Speaking of getting a C; report cards came out last week and, horror of horrors, the Man-Cub got a C+ in Language Arts. I would be devastated were it not for the fact that he got all A’s and B’s in his other subjects which constitutes a report card better than anything I brought home back in the day so, yeah; we’ll work on bringing his grade up and not make a Federal case out of it.

The Teenager’s grades were all A’s and B’s, earning her a spot on the Honor Roll again this Quarter. This means that she is only one Quarter away from winning a bet with her father, a bet that will end with her getting her belly button pierced sometime this summer.

You read correctly; my fifteen year old daughter will be getting her belly button pierced as a reward for getting good grades.

If my husband bets her a tattoo next I might have to kill him in his sleep and, we all know that I am capable of stealth ninja moves in my sleep so, if I were him, I would be afraid. I’d be very afraid.

On a less threatening note; there is a new girl at the Man-Cub’s school and he has developed a little crush. Unfortunately, being the Man-Cub, he can’t remember the girl’s name, making wooing of said girl a bit trickier than it might be were he to, say...have some idea of what to call her during a conversation.

Luckily, he did remember that the girl had transferred from the Middle School that Darren attends and, while I was driving the two of them to the gymnastics studio Friday night for Open Gym, I overheard them have the following conversation about the girl:

Darren: Well, what does she look like?

Man-Cub: She’s about my height, blond, blue eyes and she says you used to like her.

Darren: I have no idea.

Man-Cub: Well, what girl, whom you used to like, has left your school this week?

Darren: I have no idea.

Man-Cub: Ok, well, next week, look around; when you see a group of sad girls, go and ask them if they are sad because their friend moved and, when they say yes, ask them what her name was.

Darren: Sad girls?

Man-Cub: Yeah, that’s how it works at our school, a girl moves away and her friends mope around and cry about missing her and stuff. But, you have to hurry; they don’t seem to stay sad for very long.

Darren: Oh.

My suggestion that it might be easier if the Cub just asked the girl her name was met with a shriek of horror because that? Would be embarrassing. You know, because having to stalk the sad girls in your school in order to find out a girl’s name for your friend at another school isn’t embarrassing at all. Poor Darren, I don’t know why he puts up with the Cub.

So, let’s see, what else do I have to talk about?

The Man-Cub took second place at this weekend’s wrestling tournament despite having his thumb injured by his first opponent. He’s done wrestling now which is not a moment too soon considering that we had our Youth Baseball League draft on Sunday. Luckily, the Cub's injured thumb didn’t prevent him from making the 70’ Majors Team which is the team he was hoping to make and, not coincidentally, will now be the team that Hugh Co-coaches.

While Hugh and the Cub were at the draft, I was pulling the dead leaves and stalks from my flower beds, revealing tulip, daffodil and narcissus shoots already pushing up from the earth. I also managed to clean the house, to do fifteen loads of laundry and to pick up groceries while waiting for The Teenager to finish volleyball practice. I think I would have had more fun at the draft. Or, you know, on a beach.

As it is, I am now starting to wonder if I pulled my muscles prior to going to bed last night and just didn’t know it until I moved in some way that further exacerbated the problem. Nah, it’s more entertaining to think that I managed it all in my sleep, while practicing ballet which, I’m really good at when I’m asleep despite having no dance ability whatsoever when awake.


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