Thursday, August 16, 2012

Bitter, Party of One

In case you are hanging on the edge of your seat, waiting to hear if The Teenager made the volleyball team (Hi, Mom!), allow me to put you out of your misery; she did.

It was, however, a somewhat hollow victory since the coaches made it a point to tell her that, while she made the team, she shouldn't expect to actually play.

Yes, really.

The prospect of sitting the bench for an entire season is about as palatable to The Teenager as the thought of shitting into my hands and clapping is to me, which is to say; not very.

On the bright side, The Teenager has taken the news as a challenge and vows to kick ass and take names, you know; in the event that she does get a chance to play. Her taking that attitude makes me very proud.

My attitude is slightly less positive.

For my part, I vow to sign up for absolutely NOTHING to support the team this year; no team dinner, no snacks, no traveling lunches, no nada. If my daughter is going to be a team member who never plays, then I might as well be a Team Mom who never volunteers, I mean, right?

Just think of the money I will save! Which is, perhaps, the silver lining here, because; should this season on the bench cause The Teenager to decide not to play at all next year, we will also have a lot of free time on our hands, I mean; no more open gym five days a week, ten months out of the year. No more two-a-day practices for the two weeks prior to the start of school. No more weekends interrupted by traveling to volleyball games and no more evenings spent icing down the massive bruises on the child's hipbones; bruises caused by her determination to get to each ball despite the pain involved. That is a lot of time we will be saving.

We'll be able to take a vacation! During those above-mentioned two-a-days! And, we can use all the money we save on random volleyball shit to do it!

Huh.

Maybe there is no need to be bitter, after all. Awesome!

My attitude is improving, dramatically!

Whew! Dodged the bitterness bullet!
(Oh, don't kid yourself, I'm still not helping with the team this season; I may not be bitter but I can still be petty.)

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