I have my first session with the personal trainer today, and, have developed a list of standard questions that I feel all potential trainers should be required to answer prior to entering into a contract with a new client. Or, with this particular client, anyway.
1. On a scale from "Oh, gee, goodness, oh, my!" to "ShitMutherfuckerDamn!", where do you fall on the Profanity Tolerance Scale? (The answer, I'm sure we can all agree, should fall farther to the right of the scale than the left).
2. What is your typical response when a client cries? (I'm A-Ok with the answer including any form of the phrase "Are you crying?! There's no crying in personal training!")
3. Do you have a policy limiting the amount of wine that a client can consume? (Y'all know the answer to this one better be a big, loud "NO, ma'am", right?)
4. Will you sign a confidentiality agreement that prevents you from disclosing the number of times a client throws up, passes out, or pees his/probably her pants while under the supreme duress of working out following years of leading a mostly sedentary life? (This had best be a no-brainer, folks).
Now, I am off to change into my workout clothes (which, may or may not include some form of adult diaper) and to print off a copy of that confidentiality form.
Because, I like to be prepared in advance.