Big Brother 2019 First Impressions

Summer is on the downhill slide; want to know how I know? Because another season of Big Brother has started, and I'm here for it!

This year's cast is diverse, to be sure, and, these are my first impressions of each contestant.

Top row, left to right:

Analyse, 22, College Soccer Star
She said some stuff? None of which was memorable or interesting. She is pretty, though.

Christie, 28, Boutique Owner
The most interesting thing about her is that she dated Tommy's cousin for, like, eight years. So, we know that at least two of the house guests know each other from outside the house. Care to wager on how many other secret connections there are?

Cliff, 53, Petroleum Engineer
Last name, Hogg, the third, no less. Any relation to Boss? Yep, sure that's not the first time he's heard that.

David, 29, Photographer
He used to be fat, but then he discovered Cross Fit and, now, he's not fat. And...that's all I got, folks.

Holly, 31, Wine Safari Guide
I'm calling it right now: Holly for the win! Girl knows her reds from her whites and she's country strong! Also, what is a wine safari and where do I sign up?

Isabella, 22, Public Health Analyst
I think I'm in love with her very traditional Asian mother, who A) had no idea what Big Brother is and B) Can't believe she left her daughter alone for three months and she's now going to be on reality TV; where did she go wrong?! Ha! Tiger Mom, indeed.

Middle row, left to right:

Jack, 28, Fitness Trainer
His bio says he's a fitness trainer, he says he's a videographer; I say, I'm confused. Anyhoodle, he also says he is constantly mistaken for Jason Momoa (who, by the way, Kathryn referred to as Jason Mimosa, ha!), which, don't be trippin' dude; you ain't no Aquaman.

Jackson, 24, Server
Token eye candy, describes himself as "mentally stable". Yeah, we'll see. Also, I cannot help but see Dudley Do Right every time I look at him. It's the jawline, I think...

Admit it, you see it, too

Jessica 30ish, Model
Plus size, obviously, and, WTF is 30ish? You own your weight; own your age! It's just a number!

Kathryn, 29, Digital Marketing Executive
Friends call her Kat, and she actually hired a photographer to follow her around to take her social media pictures. Jeebus Cripes, there are not enough eyerolls in the world!

Bottom row, left to right:

Kemi, 25, Marketing Strategist
She describes herself as a reformed mean girl, but, not, like, too reformed; that should end well for her.

Nick, 27, Therapist
Not just any therapist, a Child therapist. Damnit, I have no choice but to like him. Maybe he and Holly will form the summer's Super Couple and rule the house; they'll drink wine and talk about their feelings.

Nicole, 24, Preschool Aide
I think she's supposed to be the "quirky" one this season. Huh. I don't see it.

Ovi, 22, College Student
Self described "brown kid", and that's all I caught; hopefully his personality will develop before he gets the boot.

Sam, 31, Truck Driver
Well, his sons are adorable, and, he drives a big truck...

Tommy, 28 Broadway Dancer
He seems harmless enough, but, his voice reminds me of Saturday Night Live's Coffee Talk with Linda Richmond, or, should I say cwaffee tawk.

And, those are my first impressions. Will my thoughts change as the season unfolds? Will the season be interesting enough to actually hold my attention? Tune in for the answer to these and other important questions on this season of Biiiig Brother!