Friday, March 09, 2007

I Feel Like Crap, Thanks For Asking!

I have a chest cold. Or a head cold. Or, whatever the hell it is when your throat burns, your head throbs, your body aches and, every time you take a deep breath, your chest makes a wheezing sound resembling the noise that a balloon makes when you let the air out of it realllly slowly.

Yes, that’s what I have and; it’s kicking my ass.

Feel free to sympathize and, you know, send chicken soup.

Of course, being deathly ill won’t stop me from fulfilling my parental duties this weekend (it will, however, make me cranky as all hell while I do so). I will still get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to accompany the Man-Cub to a neighboring town for another wrestling tournament. Someone has to hold the video camera. And, you know, glare disapprovingly and cluck their tongue at the parents who snidely belittle their kids if they lose.

Welcome to Passive-Aggressiveville
Population 1.
Mayor, me.

Following the tournament, if I am feeling up to it, I plan to weed my flowerbeds since, when I was out with Rowdie yesterday, I noticed the first tulip and daffodil shoots poking their way out of the Earth (I also noticed that the neighbor’s damn dog has mistaken our lawn for his toilet, repeatedly, but; I am thinking happy thoughts today so as not to explode my head with additional pressure, la, la, la).

So, I need to clean the old leaves and crap (not literally! I don’t clean crap! Especially not the crap of other people’s pets! Ever!) out of the flowerbeds and fertilize (and, no! I don’t consider the crap of other people’s pets to be fertilizer! Ever!) the soil so that I will have happy, cheerful flowers soon.

La, la, la.

God, that last la made my head ache.

Seriously, where’s my chicken soup?

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