Thursday Thirteen, Edition Twelve:
Thirteen Things I Will Not Eat
1. Seafood. Including lobster, crab, shrimp and anything else that once swam in the sea. Or, rather, skulked along the bottom of the sea, hoovering up fecal debris from other fish. Bleh!
2. Liver. No, just, no. Once, my mother forced me to eat it and I blew chunks all over the dinner table. Not a pretty scene, I assure you.
3. Fish. For the same reason that I won’t eat seafood. Seriously, I can’t even eat in a restaurant that has fish tanks in it, people. The odd exception to this rule is canned tuna. I don’t know; it just doesn’t seem fishy to me. Maybe tuna really is the chicken of the sea.
4. Mango, something about the texture triggers my gag reflex.
5. Rocky Mountain Oysters. I prefer not to put genitals in my mouth, thank you very much.
6. Rare beef. If you poke it and it bleeds, you have no business putting it in your mouth.
7. Pickled peppers, okra, or any other vegetable with the exception of cucumbers which were meant to be pickled.
8. Cucumbers, minus the pickling.
9. Anything one might see eaten during the food challenge on Survivor.
10. Large mushrooms. I try to keep my fungus consumption restricted to the itty-bitty white button variety.
11. Sardines. See #1 and #3.
12. Veal. The texture reminds me of liver.
13. Sweet potatoes prepared with marshmallows, sugar, butter, etc. However, I will eat sweet potatoes baked or mashed. I mean, come on people, sweet potatoes are already sweet, hence the name; sweet potato.
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