Shitastic

Hey, you know when it kind of sucks that your mom reads your blog? When she calls you just to say that; after reading that day, she just had to make tuna noodle casserole thingie-me-bob for herself and for your father and, oh my, but it was gooood! And, of course she wishes you could be there to share in the cheesy goodness of the tuna noodle casserole thingie-me-bob, but, surely your dinner of reheated left-overs must be just as lovely.

Thank you, Mother. Really. Thank you. This will not at all affect my decision when it come time to pick out your nursing home.

In equally depressing news; I am having a bad day.

Hugh is in Chicago on business and I miss him. Mostly because I had to pick up the first ever pile of dog crap from my carpeting this morning which, had he been here, would have been his responsibility.

To clarify; this was the first time the dog has crapped on the carpeting, not the first time the dog has crapped because, well, obviously.

And, while the rational part of me couldn’t even be mad at the dog what with the whole bit about him being broken and not necessarily able to make it out the door on time, the irrational part of me had an entirely different reaction.

There may have been cussing. And, possibly, a not very well-veiled threat of sending a certain animal to the pound.

Which might have sent the children into tears and may have caused The Man-Cub to sob, “Please, no! I beg of you!”. If that happened, it would not have made me feel like the worst parent, ever, in the history of the world, I assure you.

Also, I have some prime ocean-front property in Arizona that I am interested in selling. Call me; I’ll make you a sweet deal.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should also tell you that I gained another pound this week, a fact that I discovered just moments prior to discovering the pile ‘o crap. That may have added to my irritation. So, I am breaking up with Cheese-Its; he just keeps doing me wrong.

In much brighter news, tonight is the Man-Cub’s Boy Scout troop’s pinewood derby. Hugh was crushed when he found out the date conflicted with his business trip but there was nothing to be done. He and the Cub worked so hard on the car, it really is a shame that he will miss it but, I will do my best to document the momentous occasion on film.

And, you know, not to threaten banishment to the pound on anyone who might irritate me. Even if they deserve it.