Thursday Thirteen, Edition Nineteen:
Thirteen Things That Are Irritating Me Today
1. My job.
2. The people I work with.
3. My new bra. Note to said bra: It is lift and separate, not divide and conquer.
4. The damn bird that woke me up at five o’freaking-clock this morning with his insane chirping. Note to said bird: Sparrow; It’s What’s for Dinner. Think about it.
5. My job.
6. The other drivers on the highway this morning, especially the jackass in the truck who though it would be a good idea to cut in front of me without signaling. Note to said jackass: Fuck you and the mangy dog next to you.
7. My new haircut.
8. The fact that my son is so completely irresponsible with his belongings. Note to said son: The next time you leave your backpack in my car, I will not turn around and drive back home so you have it when your father takes you to school. I won’t. Do not test me.
9. The pink frosted donut in the break room. Note to said donut: Stop calling to me; I will not eat you. I don’t care if you are covered in delicious and colorful sprinkles; I will. Not. Eat. You!
10. Have I mentioned my job?
11. People who talk shit about me behind my back and then are too chicken-shit to return my phone call, the one I make to call them on their behavior. Note to said chicken-shit: Jr. High was decades ago.
12. Insane project deadlines.
13. My obvious lack of willpower and dedication to my diet. Hate you, pink frosted donut. Hate. By the way, you were delicious.
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