Operation Hottie By…..

…..ah, fuckit.

I had a great weekend! Friday night, the kids and I traveled to a neighboring town to watch my niece (The Princess) and nephew (The Rebel Without a Pause) participate in the Little Britches Rodeo. I got to visit with Older Sister while my kids, with a clear lack of consideration for my health; shadowed their cousins, darting underneath horses, climbing fences and generally giving me minor heart attack after minor heart attack.

Heart failure aside, I got to meet the newest member of sister's family; Max the Twee Wonder Dog. He is precious in a way that makes my teeth ache and, if I wasn't 100 percent certain that Rowdie would eat him whole before spitting out his rhinestone-studded collar; I would have smuggled him home in my shirt when we left later that night.

Oh, like you wouldn't.

Saturday, I spent the entire day lounging about on the front porch. It was hella-hot and I had zero energy for the million and ten chores that I could have been doing so, you know....I said fuckit and I enjoyed glass after glass of iced tea while watching Hugh slave over his chores. I did offer to get him a glass of iced tea too, lest you think me totally heartless.

Sunday was basically a repeat of Saturday with the exception of The Talk with Oscar and Emily, happily; it went quite well.

We had previously made plans for The Girl to spend the night with a friend since, as they say, little pitchers have big ears and, at least in my daughter’s case; spill their contents with only the slightest of tips. Since we don’t want the rumor of my departure from my job to get out prematurely, we thought it best to conduct the Talk with her safely out of earshot.

On the other hand, The Man-Cub can listen to a conversation and forget it even happened within five minutes. Hell, he can have a conversation and forget it in three. So, he got to stay.

We mixed business with pleasure by inviting Oscar and Emily over for dinner which allowed us all to relax a bit and, I’m sure the fact that it gave Hugh the perfect opportunity to show off his new grill was a pure coincidence. What’s that? I didn’t tell you about Hugh’s new grill? He would be horrified! Must. Remedy. Immediately! Let’s see, it is stainless steel, has six-burners and a rotisserie plus a separate burner for cooking beans in a saucepan as one is often wont to do. Oh, and it weighs 290 pounds which I know for a fact because I helped the man lift it fifteen inches up onto the porch.

Yep, she’s a beaut all right. A heavy beaut. Also, I came thisclose to breaking a nail while hefting the bitch onto the porch; I’m not entirely convinced that we can be friends even if it does grill my chicken breasts to perfection.

Anyhoo, Hugh cooked said chicken breasts and I made my special Caprese salad as well as my infamous Potato Crack and we set about consigning ourselves to A Life of Indebtedness to the In-Laws, certain we would have them eating out of our hands by the end of the meal.

Which, we did. Well, as much as you can have two people who already want exactly the same thing that you want, eating out of your hands, anyway.

My estimated date of Release from Public Servitude is set for December 17th. I am giddy with relief and anticipation.

And, scared practically shitless about the new responsibilities.

But! Just think of the money I’ll save on toilet paper! Money that I can then use to purchase rhinestone-studded collars for the twee precious lap dog that I plan to purchase once I have Rowdie's jaws wired shut!

Kidding, Hugh.