I’m Relatively Certain It Isn’t the Swine Flu

I feel crappy, oh so crappy (sung to the tune of I Feel Pretty), I feel crappy and cruddy and baaad. My head aches, my nose is stuffy-or running, depending on its mood-and my throat hurts but; I’m not running a fever or having difficulty breathing nor am I generally achy so, just a common cold, no Swine Flu here, nothing to see folks, move along…

The Teenager is likewise ailing, in fact, I just returned from a mercy sandwich run to the school since she neglected to eat breakfast before leaving the house for a.m. Volleyball practice and the sinus drainage she is experiencing is making her sick to her stomach.

With any luck, we will both be feeling better by tomorrow when Hugh and I leave for Fall Market in Salt Lake City and she has a volleyball game.

If I’m not feeling better later today, I fully intend to make a big hairy deal out of the situation so that my own mother (who arrives with my father today to care for the children while we are away) will shower me with mercy and tender-loving care. What’s that you say; she is coming to care for the children? Hey, I was her child first; I have dibs on her affections as well as on her psuedo-medical training.

Before their arrival, however, I’m going to go to work because, unlike some people….cough…Hugh….cough…I suck it up and do my duties when I am sick.

Unless, of course,  I do develop Swine Flu in which case I will not leave the house because, I refuse to be seen in public sporting a wee curly tail and a snout, that shit's just not lady-like.