Monday, December 28, 2009

Tomorrow Is Going to Hurt Like a Sumbitch

I just finished exercising, a feat that I have not accomplished in many a moon and; I’m feeling it. During one set of back lunges, my leg cramped up so hard, I thought it was a contraction. In my leg. Like, I honestly wondered if my leg was spontaneously producing a baby leg or something and, the scary thing is; that made perfect sense to me at the time. That is how out of shape I am; I hallucinate while lunging.

Some of you might be wondering why I suddenly felt the need to get with the program again (it isn’t even the New Year yet! Technically) and, to you I say; I suddenly got the urge to get healthy again when, while at my parents home this past week, I tried to bend over to retrieve an object that had fallen from the kitchen table and something got in my way, preventing me from reaching the floor. It was my stomach.

I’m not even kidding. I suddenly have a roll of fat around my waist so thick, it rivals my butt. Seriously; I have an ass on my waist.

To say that I find this turn of events disturbing would be an understatement, I assure you.

So, yeah. Back on the diet and fitness wagon. Hopefully, sometime in 2010, I will have one less ass (in its' correct placement upon my body) and will be fully capable of bending over.

Or, I will continue to live a life of sloth and gluttony and my family will eventually have to hire a crane to remove me from my bed.

I'm guessing you know which result I am hoping for.

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