Our Coach is the Best Coach Ever

That is the thesis statement for the paper I am writing for my Masters Program. Once it’s complete, I will earn my Masters of Sarcasm from the Institute for Higher Technology, the college that exists solely in my own head.

In support of my thesis statement, I offer the following evidence:

A) Our coach takes cell phone calls while “coaching” first base. That kind of multi-tasking takes a healthy dose of awesome, something our coach has in spades.

B) Our coach can’t remember the names of half of his players, two months into the season, again; healthy dose of awesome to achieve that milestone.

C) Our coach sits in the bleachers and chats with his wife right up until game-time, even as the team is warming up in the outfield because; if he can produce a team this awesome without practices, he most certainly doesn’t need to help them prepare for the game.

D) Our coach can hawk a loogie three feet from third base while waving in a runner, scratching his ass and yelling words of encouragement to the runner, using the wrong name, naturally.

As you can see, my support statements make a valid argument for my thesis and, clearly; our coach is the best coach ever.

Masters of Sarcasm, in the bag.