Thursday, November 18, 2010

Some Things Are Worth the Risk of Spending Eternity in Hell

Yesterday I had to run into the Hellmouth for a few items while the Man-Cub was at tutoring. When I got to the store, I grabbed the first cart offered to me by the senior citizen manning the front door and started on my way. After only a couple of feet it was obvious that the cart was a Thunker (first clue, loud thunking noise emanating from the right front wheel) so; I turned around and traded it for another cart which, as is my luck when it comes to all things Hellmouth, was also a Thunker. Two different Thunkers later and I simply resigned myself to the fact that the Hellmouth employs only damaged carts and I began my shopping, albeit ten times more aware of the thunking noises coming from every other cart that passed me as I browsed.

Seriously, thunk- thunk, thunk- thunk, thunk-thunk, ad infinitum.

Then, a miraculous turn of events! In the pet section, I needed to move someone else's unattended cart in order to reach my preferred brand of cat litter and,when I did, lo and behold, no thunking. None! It was as silent as one of my children when asked to confess to a particularly heinous crime.


I mean, the cart obviously belonged to someone else. But, you know, it was silent! So, I exchanged the items in the silent cart for the items in my cart (quick! Like a bunny!) and off I went, sans preferred litter but filled with euphoria over no longer having to listen to the grating noise of the Thunker.

Will I burn in Hell for this transgression? Maybe. Will my personal Hell feature an eternity of thunking noises? Probably. Did I care at that moment? Most certainly not.

As an aside, if you were shopping in the pet aisle of the local Hellmouth yesterday at around 4:00 Mountain Time and your perfectly quiet and reliable cart suddenly turned into a Thunker while you were debating the merits of canned salmon versus sliced beef; I’m sure it was just a coincidence.

Also, I would have gone with the sliced beef but, that’s just me.

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